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Are things changing for the better, or the worse? I know everything happens for a reason, I truly understand that, but why everything seems to be changing for the worse?

Okay, I am now officially over worried, I am sorry. I'm just scared about the future. It brings tears to my eyes whenever I think about it. I should really stop now.

Insane

Am I been thinking too much again? Yes I think I am. In fact I have already been thinking too much just to think I am thinking too much.

I failed to rest well lately, I think I am overstressed. I been dreaming about myself doing work at office for the past three nights continuously. I have to stop this before I drive myself up the wall.

Last but not least, thank you. If it isn't because of you, most likely I would still be emo-ing and smoking now. My words might not seem to be trustworthy to you anymore, but I really do mean it. I am really very grateful, for everything.

11.5 currently. 12 soon

Does anyone still remember I've once mentioned that I will be transferring to the phones team? Yeah, the time has come. Starting from next week, which is July, I will be supporting HongKong customers. I've been told that I will only act as a backup for the HK queue, because there are only gonna have 2 peoples handling HK phone queue. The newcomer will handle all the main calls, I will only be assisting him when he doesn't have the time to do everything.

While assisting him, I will still handling AP mails. This means I have to report to 2 different team's superiors at the same time, wtf?!! And I going to have another test next week, why must every important things have to be scheduled at next week? Then 2 weeks later I will have another test, then 1 month later I will have my finals.

11.5 hours everyday are damn lifeless. And I can't seem to p** !! This is so unhealthy.

Thank you

Went to Jedrik's party during Saturday night, had some fun and liquor. Thanks Jedrik, for the party, for making it as a chance, for everything. I just feel that, I am quite useless, or I should just say very useless. Why didn't I be the one who took the initiative to make things right again instead of the other party although I myself know that I am in fault for causing all of it? Yeah, I know many of you guys will agree on this, that's what I felt for myself too.

Somehow I just don't feel right being who I am now. It is like I don't know anything about myself anymore. Yes, I agree that everything is different now, things changed, peoples changed. I changed badly too, by walking out on people's life although I myself is at fault, and of course by smoking as well. For those who don't know that I smoke, yes I have been smoking for almost 2 months now. It all started since the first day of me making and done some bad decisions through an irrational mind that caused up the whole thing, and it has stopped as things are over and settled on Sat night.

I could not turn back time to make things right again and being as close as before, but I will try my best to change back to who I really used to be, before all these things happened. I miss those lame jokes that we made, I miss those msn conversation parts that we once had, I miss those laughs, I miss those times where you will ask me opinions or ideas for things, basically I miss those good old days. I know you are tired hearing me saying all the sorries and stuffs, and 'sorry' doesn't really mean sorry anymore when I kept on repeating it everytime after I done something wrong. But still, I just want to say for the one last time, I am really sorry, and I really mean it.

Once again, I am really grateful, and thank you for everything.

21st June

Took force leave today, due to system upgrading that result in server down. But why Saturday? Why not Sunday? I guess everything happened for a reason, I should just wait, observe, learn and understand it.

Anyway, watched Kungfu Panda at MidValley Wednesday, with Nigel. Nice movie if you were to ask me, made everyone laughed out loud while watching it. Went out to Williams for a dinner with Pand3 and Thad, along with Kenny and Rhys. Its been a while since Pand3 came to KL, but he still looks the same, as in lala-fied, rofl.

And today, 21st of June, it is a rather complicated day for me. I know what I need to do, but I just don't know how to do it. Once again, I can blame no one but only myself for making things worse and led to such situation. I want to drink tonight, but I have to work tomorrow.I can foresee that I have to stay back til late at night for my work to finish, but things never come easy, will they?

For now, all I know is I have to finish my up assignment which it's duedate was on Monday =.= Yes, this is my life, life which full of procrastination and lack of time, sleep, fun and .. and .. friends.

Dead tired

I am so dead tired today. Went to work yesterday, straight head to buddiez's birthday drinking session after work, got drunk, went for midnight karaoke session, came back around 5 in the morning, did not sleep, straight went to work again at 8 this morning, and only able to leave office around 7.30.

Went to SouLed Out for our dinner and drinking session at Sri Hartamas. Below is the picture of the vodka that we ordered, in which is the exact same thing that got me drunk.


And I myself couldn't believe that I actually fell asleep while standing inside the train, just imagine that. I have mid term test for insurance tomorrow but I haven't even touch my file yet, blessed it be.

[ Lost ]

Please ignore this entry as it will pretty much bored you, coz it is boring.

There's a farewell gathering session for Kenny on this coming Friday the 13th which I think I have to go no matter how late I gonna work til that night. Friends leaving one by one, either one way or the other, sigh =/ Sometimes I wonder why this is happening? Was it caused by other issues, or was it because of me not being good enough?

I admit I was in fault and should be responsible for certain incident throughout the past, for not being good and considerate enough, for not having a mature mind and act up to my age, etc etc. But what's done is done, can't really turn back anymore. I just have to deal with the regrets and guiltiness and cheer up by torturing myself little by little everyday with some bad stuffs.

Stress from work and studies is making the situation worse everyday. I only have one word and nothing but just one word in my mind these few days, or perhaps these few weeks, [Lost]. Seeing everyone being happy and having their quality time with their friends, doing things that they enjoy doing, or even laughing at some jokes makes me envy them sometimes. Its like what CK once said about how he felt. Why I have to stuck in this situation and feeling lost, regrets and guilty everyday, only to able to rely on bad stuffs to make me feel better every day? I tried letting it go, forget all about it, and start all over, but only to found out that I actually making things worse, and so now, I dare not have it pass over me anymore in order to just making sure it doesn't turn worst although it is worse enough already now.

Off day isn't a real off day for me, its just another study day for me, and I have to rush assignment, study for my test and go for my classes on my so called weekly off day.

Broke

With the inflation that's happening, plus I had a friend's birthday at 31st of May, and have another 3 friends' birthday which falls on the 5th, 6th and 15th, and also one more additional birthday party dinner on the 21st of June, I can conclude that money is simply so not enough for this month !

I gonna be sooooo broke this month =/

Hang On

Work is starting to get hectic recently, so does my insurance course. Started doing 1 live mail yesterday, but ended up it wasn't as good as I thought it would be. I have been always so careless, I guess I need time, to get use to it, to master it. 1 email already end up this way, I don't dare to imagine what if I am in the phones team, it would be disaster =/

I always tell people what to do and how to do, but I don't do them myself, why? I don't know, but I want to know why. I didn't know one can actually changed back to be good after they turned bad until I saw a living proof last night. Somehow I felt happy, and gave myself some hope to stop doing things that I ain't suppose to do now. Majority of people have no idea what I am talking about, only few know, but everyone will get to know soon, in a few weeks time.

Time to start doing my assignment, again. Hope for a better tomorrow.

F T W !

Petrol price increased but my salary remains the same, ftw !!

I saved 20 bucks by pumping 50 bucks, ftw !!

Anyway, shift roster going to start next Monday. Sayonara to normal working days, hello to shift roster schedule.

New Challenges

I always wanted to try and learn new things, it is what I wanted when I apply for a position in this company. But today when my manager told me that I will be transferred to the phones team to deal with Hong Kong customers 2 months later, just because I am the only one who knows how to speak cantonese *@#^$&%#@$%*, somehow I don't feel happy.

I mean yeah, it is a new way out for me, out of the things that I suppose to do, so it is considered as a new thing, but I'm still under training now, and I'm still new to the email, and I'm happy with the email team, as of currently still is. Honestly, email is rather more simple than phones, as in work wise. On the other hand, phones are more pressure, but advantage wise, it is definitely way better than email, cause emails team can't do phone calls, but the phones team able to do all kinds of email. I don't really like the phones team, cause I know how pressured it will turn out to be at the very end of the day, it is always been like this since my previous job.

Bahhh, good things won't come in easy way, I guess I just have to deal with it and hope for the best of it. Although it is a few days late, but still I want to wish my buddiez Hoe happy belated birthday. Time flies, we're now 23 and we're both working already. Miss those old days so much =) Oh well, all the best in life aite. Below are some pictures of the previous week.

This is called as 'The Tower'

This is called as the 'Shout Out Shots a.k.a S.O.S'

Another view of it, it has 10 shots in one bowl

And now I have to get back to rushing my workbook and assignment. =/