[ Lost ]

Please ignore this entry as it will pretty much bored you, coz it is boring.

There's a farewell gathering session for Kenny on this coming Friday the 13th which I think I have to go no matter how late I gonna work til that night. Friends leaving one by one, either one way or the other, sigh =/ Sometimes I wonder why this is happening? Was it caused by other issues, or was it because of me not being good enough?

I admit I was in fault and should be responsible for certain incident throughout the past, for not being good and considerate enough, for not having a mature mind and act up to my age, etc etc. But what's done is done, can't really turn back anymore. I just have to deal with the regrets and guiltiness and cheer up by torturing myself little by little everyday with some bad stuffs.

Stress from work and studies is making the situation worse everyday. I only have one word and nothing but just one word in my mind these few days, or perhaps these few weeks, [Lost]. Seeing everyone being happy and having their quality time with their friends, doing things that they enjoy doing, or even laughing at some jokes makes me envy them sometimes. Its like what CK once said about how he felt. Why I have to stuck in this situation and feeling lost, regrets and guilty everyday, only to able to rely on bad stuffs to make me feel better every day? I tried letting it go, forget all about it, and start all over, but only to found out that I actually making things worse, and so now, I dare not have it pass over me anymore in order to just making sure it doesn't turn worst although it is worse enough already now.

Off day isn't a real off day for me, its just another study day for me, and I have to rush assignment, study for my test and go for my classes on my so called weekly off day.