First, I will have to screw the friggin hard exam tomorrow, then only I will be able to spend my weekend with my group of Buddiez with my mom's new car =) It is been a while since we whole group of peeps last hang out together.
I realized age really does matter, cause it will more or less influence or affect the maturity level of your mind and also the way of thinking. So, screw the past for wasting my time to watch over people's back while they shut you out of their life without giving you any explanation. I can only blame myself for being naive and foolish. If I have the chance to choose again, I rather I have never meet you guys, at all.
Let this be my fresh start, for moving on after all the shitty things, for everything. And today is the 29th already, so it means its almost the end of the month, which also a happy number for those who are working. ;)
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
30 hours
24 hours a day is definitely not enough, especially on Monday and Wednesday. I need 6 more additional hours per day, or at least 3 per day. It is time to revise and study, and rest then work.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
A boy had a good laugh at his office with his colleagues 2 days before the day after tomorrow. It is been a while since the boy last laughing out loud. They talked about a few lame things and started laughing among themselves till the boy's superior looking at them and wondering what they are laughing.
The boy invented a new phrase for the meaning of stubborn: "Soundproof headed person". Other than that, they came across another lame phrase/sentence that they saw, "2 days before the day after tomorrow". Last but not least, they also came across another famous phrase, or rather quote by our Samivelu, "Besok hantar, hari ni sampai".
And the boy is even more happy that he's able to go off at 5pm before the sky starts crying. :)
The boy invented a new phrase for the meaning of stubborn: "Soundproof headed person". Other than that, they came across another lame phrase/sentence that they saw, "2 days before the day after tomorrow". Last but not least, they also came across another famous phrase, or rather quote by our Samivelu, "Besok hantar, hari ni sampai".
And the boy is even more happy that he's able to go off at 5pm before the sky starts crying. :)
Sunday, May 25, 2008
People always leave
Katherine Anne Porter once said: "There seems to be a kind of order in the universe in the movement of the stars and in the turning of the earth and the changing of the seasons. But human life is almost pure chaos. Everyone takes his stance, asserts his own rights and feelings, mistaking the motives of others, and his own."
Nathaniel Hawthorne once wrote: "No man, for any considerable period can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true."
Tennessee Williams once wrote: "When so many are lonely as seems to be lonely it would be inexcusably selfish to be lonely alone."
John F. Kennedy once said: "The courage of life is a magnificent mixture of triumph and tragedy. A man does what he must, in spite of personal consequences, in spite of obstacles and dangers and pressures. And that is the basis of all morality."
Kahlil Gibran once wrote: "Your reason and your passion are the rudder and sails of your seafaring soul. If either be broken, you can but toss and drift or else be held at a standstill in mid-seas. For reason, ruling alone, is a force confining. And passion, unattended is a flame that burns to its own destruction."
Charles Bukowski once wrote: "There will always be something to ruin our lives. It all depends on what or which finds us first. We are always ripe and ready to be taken."
Joseph Conrad once wrote: "Who knows what true happiness is? Not the conventional word, but the naked terror. To the lonely themselves, it wears a mask. The most miserable outcast hugs some memory. Or some illusion."
Stephen King once wrote: "Time takes it all. Whether you want it to or not. Time takes it all, time bears it away, and in the end, there is only darkness. Sometimes we find others in that darkness. And sometimes we lose them there again."
Tennessee Williams once wrote: "We all live in a house of fire. No fire department to call. No way out. Just the upstairs window to look out of while the fire burns down the house...with us trapped, locked in it."
Peyton Sawyer once said: "At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world. Six billion souls. And sometimes -- all you need is one."
Ralph Waldo Emerson once wrote: "There is no privacy that cannot be penetrated. No secret can be kept in the civilized world. Society is a masked ball where everyone hides his real character, then reveals it by hiding."
Robert Louis Stevenson once said: "You cannot run away from a weakness; you must sometimes fight it out or perish. And if that be so, why not now, and where you stand?"
Idus Scott Taylor once wrote: "Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone. And do not trouble about the future for it is yet to come. Live in the present and make it so beautiful, that it will be worth remembering."
Lucas Eugene Scott once said: "There comes a time when every life goes off course. In this desperate moment you must choose your direction. Will you fight to stay on the path while others tell you who you are? Or will you label yourself? Will you be honored by your choice? Or will you embrace your new path? Each morning you choose to move forward or to simply give up."
Lucas Eugene Scott once said: "You ever look a picture of yourself, and see a stranger in the background?. It makes you wonder how many strangers have pictures of you. How many moments of other peoples life have we been in. Were we a part of someone's life when their dream came true or were we there when their dream died. Did we keep trying to get in? As if we were somehow destined to be there or did the shot take us by surprise. Just think, you could be a big part of someone elses life, and not even know it."
Lucas Eugene Scott once said:" Regret comes in all shapes and sizes. Some are small , like when we do a bad thing, for a good reason. Some are bigger, like when we let down a friend. Some of us escape the pains of regret by making the right choice. Some of us have little time for regret, because we're looking forward to the future. Sometimes we have to fight to come to terms with the past. And sometimes we bury our regret, by promising to change our ways. But our biggest regrets are not for the things we did... but the things we didn't do. The things we didn't say that could save someone we care about. Especially when we can see the dark storm that's headed their way."
Lucas Eugene Scott once said: "Have you ever had a dream that seemed so real when you woke up you didn't know what to believe? What would you do if what you thought was true wasn't, and what you thought wasn't true was. Would you retreat into your dreams with the hope of finding a more perfect reality? Sometimes life is stranger than a dream, and the only way to wake up is to face what lies are hidden in your soul. And you can only hope that in those moments of dark reflection, that you are not alone."
Lucas Eugene Scott once said: "If you could go back and just change one thing about your life, would you? And if you did, would that change make your life better? Or would that change ultimately break your heart? Or break the heart of another? Would you choose an entirely different path? Or would you change just one thing? Just one moment. One moment that you've always wanted back."
William Blake once wrote: "There are things that are known and things that are unknown. And in between, there are doors."
Albert Camus once wrote: "Blessed are the hearts that can bend; they shall never be broken." But I wonder if there's no breaking then there's no healing, and if there's no healing then there's no learning. And if there's no learning then there's no struggle. But struggle is a part of life. So must all hearts be broken?
Lucas Eugene Scott once said: "Sometimes when you're young you think nothing can hurt you. It's like being invincible. Your whole life is ahead of you and you have big plans. Big Plans. To find your perfect match, the one who completes you. But as you get older you realize it's not always that easy. It's not until the end of your life that you realize how the plans you made where simply plans. Because at the end when you're looking back instead of forward you want to believe you made the most of what life gave you. You want to believe you're leaving something good behind. You want it all to have mattered."
Nathaniel Hawthorne once wrote: "No man, for any considerable period can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true."
Tennessee Williams once wrote: "When so many are lonely as seems to be lonely it would be inexcusably selfish to be lonely alone."
John F. Kennedy once said: "The courage of life is a magnificent mixture of triumph and tragedy. A man does what he must, in spite of personal consequences, in spite of obstacles and dangers and pressures. And that is the basis of all morality."
Kahlil Gibran once wrote: "Your reason and your passion are the rudder and sails of your seafaring soul. If either be broken, you can but toss and drift or else be held at a standstill in mid-seas. For reason, ruling alone, is a force confining. And passion, unattended is a flame that burns to its own destruction."
Charles Bukowski once wrote: "There will always be something to ruin our lives. It all depends on what or which finds us first. We are always ripe and ready to be taken."
Joseph Conrad once wrote: "Who knows what true happiness is? Not the conventional word, but the naked terror. To the lonely themselves, it wears a mask. The most miserable outcast hugs some memory. Or some illusion."
Stephen King once wrote: "Time takes it all. Whether you want it to or not. Time takes it all, time bears it away, and in the end, there is only darkness. Sometimes we find others in that darkness. And sometimes we lose them there again."
Tennessee Williams once wrote: "We all live in a house of fire. No fire department to call. No way out. Just the upstairs window to look out of while the fire burns down the house...with us trapped, locked in it."
Peyton Sawyer once said: "At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world. Six billion souls. And sometimes -- all you need is one."
Ralph Waldo Emerson once wrote: "There is no privacy that cannot be penetrated. No secret can be kept in the civilized world. Society is a masked ball where everyone hides his real character, then reveals it by hiding."
Robert Louis Stevenson once said: "You cannot run away from a weakness; you must sometimes fight it out or perish. And if that be so, why not now, and where you stand?"
Idus Scott Taylor once wrote: "Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone. And do not trouble about the future for it is yet to come. Live in the present and make it so beautiful, that it will be worth remembering."
Lucas Eugene Scott once said: "There comes a time when every life goes off course. In this desperate moment you must choose your direction. Will you fight to stay on the path while others tell you who you are? Or will you label yourself? Will you be honored by your choice? Or will you embrace your new path? Each morning you choose to move forward or to simply give up."
Lucas Eugene Scott once said: "You ever look a picture of yourself, and see a stranger in the background?. It makes you wonder how many strangers have pictures of you. How many moments of other peoples life have we been in. Were we a part of someone's life when their dream came true or were we there when their dream died. Did we keep trying to get in? As if we were somehow destined to be there or did the shot take us by surprise. Just think, you could be a big part of someone elses life, and not even know it."
Lucas Eugene Scott once said:" Regret comes in all shapes and sizes. Some are small , like when we do a bad thing, for a good reason. Some are bigger, like when we let down a friend. Some of us escape the pains of regret by making the right choice. Some of us have little time for regret, because we're looking forward to the future. Sometimes we have to fight to come to terms with the past. And sometimes we bury our regret, by promising to change our ways. But our biggest regrets are not for the things we did... but the things we didn't do. The things we didn't say that could save someone we care about. Especially when we can see the dark storm that's headed their way."
Lucas Eugene Scott once said: "Have you ever had a dream that seemed so real when you woke up you didn't know what to believe? What would you do if what you thought was true wasn't, and what you thought wasn't true was. Would you retreat into your dreams with the hope of finding a more perfect reality? Sometimes life is stranger than a dream, and the only way to wake up is to face what lies are hidden in your soul. And you can only hope that in those moments of dark reflection, that you are not alone."
Lucas Eugene Scott once said: "If you could go back and just change one thing about your life, would you? And if you did, would that change make your life better? Or would that change ultimately break your heart? Or break the heart of another? Would you choose an entirely different path? Or would you change just one thing? Just one moment. One moment that you've always wanted back."
William Blake once wrote: "There are things that are known and things that are unknown. And in between, there are doors."
Albert Camus once wrote: "Blessed are the hearts that can bend; they shall never be broken." But I wonder if there's no breaking then there's no healing, and if there's no healing then there's no learning. And if there's no learning then there's no struggle. But struggle is a part of life. So must all hearts be broken?
Lucas Eugene Scott once said: "Sometimes when you're young you think nothing can hurt you. It's like being invincible. Your whole life is ahead of you and you have big plans. Big Plans. To find your perfect match, the one who completes you. But as you get older you realize it's not always that easy. It's not until the end of your life that you realize how the plans you made where simply plans. Because at the end when you're looking back instead of forward you want to believe you made the most of what life gave you. You want to believe you're leaving something good behind. You want it all to have mattered."
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Mao
I guess this is how it'll end, and here's as far as we can and we will go. I am so damn tired of waiting and giving, and I don't want to be like this anymore. My grandpa incident made me realized that I'm not who I thought I am to you.
I've decided to stop everything that I've been asked to do, and I gave up. Farewell and all the best.
I've decided to stop everything that I've been asked to do, and I gave up. Farewell and all the best.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Mao
I want to dedicate this entry to my grandpa, who passed away on Friday early morning. He has been summoned to rest by His side, and you'll be greatly remembered and dearly miss.
Still, I have a confession that I want to make. Its obviously too late to do any confession now, but I hope you'll know through my prayers. You've fully done well on your role as my grandpa, but I on the other hand, have not fulfill my responsibilities as your grandson. I'm sorry for that, I'm sorry for all the wrongdoings, misbehaving, and also disrespectful acts that I've done.
But its good that you're free from anything and everything now. Perhaps I should really stop doing it now, else I'll end up as the same as you, which I know exactly its a thing you don't want it to happen. Hope you'll have a great time traveling around the world, and may you rest in peace.
--------
I don't know what is really happening and where went wrong, I used to have the intention to know and find out and fix it, but I don't have any of it anymore now.
Still, I have a confession that I want to make. Its obviously too late to do any confession now, but I hope you'll know through my prayers. You've fully done well on your role as my grandpa, but I on the other hand, have not fulfill my responsibilities as your grandson. I'm sorry for that, I'm sorry for all the wrongdoings, misbehaving, and also disrespectful acts that I've done.
But its good that you're free from anything and everything now. Perhaps I should really stop doing it now, else I'll end up as the same as you, which I know exactly its a thing you don't want it to happen. Hope you'll have a great time traveling around the world, and may you rest in peace.
--------
I don't know what is really happening and where went wrong, I used to have the intention to know and find out and fix it, but I don't have any of it anymore now.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Mao
I saw this through my office's window where I was sitting today.
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And after zooming in just half of it, it turns out to be actually this.
.jpg)
I didn't realize that my office is just directly beside SJI. I miss those boys, especially the one who has a girlfriend.
.jpg)
And after zooming in just half of it, it turns out to be actually this.
.jpg)
I didn't realize that my office is just directly beside SJI. I miss those boys, especially the one who has a girlfriend.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Mao
It's been at least six months or more since I last saw something like this.
I know I'll be seeing lots of this in the near future. Yet again, another day has passed without spending time with you, and you don't have much days left. Sigh.
Edit: Not that I don't want to reply, but I can't seem to type any thing at my cbox, I don't know why.
I know I'll be seeing lots of this in the near future. Yet again, another day has passed without spending time with you, and you don't have much days left. Sigh.
Edit: Not that I don't want to reply, but I can't seem to type any thing at my cbox, I don't know why.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Mao
There's so much yet to do, but there's just too little time left. And its just too little too late to actually do everything that I wanted to do. Its too complicated to do everything, and almost anything. I don't have enough time.
It actually hurts my heart to know that you only have few more days left on this place call earth. It hurts even more knowing the fact that I don't have anymore time because I have to work, and you're getting weaker each day. There's so much that I want to confess, I want to apologize, I want to tell you, but I couldn't.
I know that I've been walking in your shadow, following your foot steps unknowingly for almost a month now. And I also know that I'll end up the same as you if I don't stop doing it now. I can't help it anymore. I really feel helpless inside. I want to spend some time to see you but I don't really able to have any.
I am sorry, and I love you, for every single little thing. I just wish you know. And I cant believe I'm crying typing this.
It actually hurts my heart to know that you only have few more days left on this place call earth. It hurts even more knowing the fact that I don't have anymore time because I have to work, and you're getting weaker each day. There's so much that I want to confess, I want to apologize, I want to tell you, but I couldn't.
I know that I've been walking in your shadow, following your foot steps unknowingly for almost a month now. And I also know that I'll end up the same as you if I don't stop doing it now. I can't help it anymore. I really feel helpless inside. I want to spend some time to see you but I don't really able to have any.
I am sorry, and I love you, for every single little thing. I just wish you know. And I cant believe I'm crying typing this.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Mao
Friends, they play a big role in your life, and they are so great in doing their part of it. I didn't even realize til now that some of them even do BETTER than others.
Some only talk to you when they need help from you. Some only ask you out when they have nothing better to do. Some just pretend nothing happened when they owe you something. Some will just shut you out without letting you to speak up for yourself.
Thanks for helping me to realize it. Thank you so much.
Some only talk to you when they need help from you. Some only ask you out when they have nothing better to do. Some just pretend nothing happened when they owe you something. Some will just shut you out without letting you to speak up for yourself.
Thanks for helping me to realize it. Thank you so much.
Mao
Blessed it be. I thought I did badly for those tests, but it turns out that I did it quite well. Oh well, I've made it anyway. I'll treasure this new start over. Its time to really work hard, its time to grow up.
14th of may will be my first day.
Thanks. =)
14th of may will be my first day.
Thanks. =)
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Mao
I realized that I'm just too stupid to be true. I should have typed 2k or something, or at least 1.8k. Luckily the HR is kind enough to help me to change the figure at my resume, but then I was shocked when she told me she gonna change it to more than what I thought I should type, Omg !
Cause honestly with my current status of education level, I don't really deserve a high starting pay. I'm pretty sure all my close friends are aware of this. Hmm, I'll need all the luck that I could get for tomorrow's interview. I just hope everything will turn out fine.
All the best to myself ! Seriously, I want this job so badly, its not about the money, its just about... a getaway from all the daily dramas, and also as a prevention from all the possible future unhappy dramas. Those who been thinking too much lately would know what I mean, lolz.
Cause honestly with my current status of education level, I don't really deserve a high starting pay. I'm pretty sure all my close friends are aware of this. Hmm, I'll need all the luck that I could get for tomorrow's interview. I just hope everything will turn out fine.
All the best to myself ! Seriously, I want this job so badly, its not about the money, its just about... a getaway from all the daily dramas, and also as a prevention from all the possible future unhappy dramas. Those who been thinking too much lately would know what I mean, lolz.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Mao
I'm not healthy. I'm sick. And I know that I'm really sick. It hurts. I need a cure. I need medicine. I need remedy. I need concerns which without asking me anything. I need love.
And I know no one understands what I'm talking. No one.
Life isn't so great after all.
And I know no one understands what I'm talking. No one.
Life isn't so great after all.
Monday, May 5, 2008
Mao
I'm glad its all over now, I hope. But still, I want you to know that I'm so sorry too, seriously I am. I was laying back down on the sofa while watching television programs just now, and I was thinking about all the things that happened, and all the things that I've done. I realized a lot of things, things which I know I shouldn't have done.
I should have know better of my own temper, I should have control it better. I shouldn't have blow it up on you sarcastically that night. I should have been more considerate, knowing the fact that you have your other commitments to care for as well. I shouldn't be selfish at times like this. I only cared for my feelings, and I didn't think of how you'd feel back then, which I know I should have do so. And most of all, I've partially caused you couldn't able to get some rest.
I feel sooo bad after thinking back all the things I've done. Its like I done nothing productive to save the situation, but only to making it worse instead. I should have been a better friend than who I am today, and I know I did tell you that I gonna be a better friend in the future, but I failed to do so once again. I guess I've screwed up more than I could realize. Somehow I'm kinda disappointed with myself now.
I know I been talking too much on the matter with you already for the past few days, and I know it doesn't matter anymore no matter what I've done, or things that I should have done but I didn't, coz its over. I really glad its over now, seriously I do. But I just don't feel right letting this over by not saying things out, thus thats the main point of this entry. I don't know if you're reading this or not, but then I wish you'll come across this entry and know about what I wanted to say on the matter, that I am really sorry too.
I hope everything is alright now, and seriously you've been thinking about things a little too much lately. You should learn how to uncomplicate things so that you'll have a peaceful dreamless night to rest. Dreams always come with reason(s), and normally its because you been thinking of that particular thing too much. I do know what you been dreaming about lately, don't think that I don't =P And trust me, what you been dreaming about ain't gonna happen in real life, at least what I'm trying to say is the possibility for it to happen is somehow lower than possible.
Remember what I've been always reminding you? Have a little faith on yourself, and also on *you'd know who* =)
I should have know better of my own temper, I should have control it better. I shouldn't have blow it up on you sarcastically that night. I should have been more considerate, knowing the fact that you have your other commitments to care for as well. I shouldn't be selfish at times like this. I only cared for my feelings, and I didn't think of how you'd feel back then, which I know I should have do so. And most of all, I've partially caused you couldn't able to get some rest.
I feel sooo bad after thinking back all the things I've done. Its like I done nothing productive to save the situation, but only to making it worse instead. I should have been a better friend than who I am today, and I know I did tell you that I gonna be a better friend in the future, but I failed to do so once again. I guess I've screwed up more than I could realize. Somehow I'm kinda disappointed with myself now.
I know I been talking too much on the matter with you already for the past few days, and I know it doesn't matter anymore no matter what I've done, or things that I should have done but I didn't, coz its over. I really glad its over now, seriously I do. But I just don't feel right letting this over by not saying things out, thus thats the main point of this entry. I don't know if you're reading this or not, but then I wish you'll come across this entry and know about what I wanted to say on the matter, that I am really sorry too.
I hope everything is alright now, and seriously you've been thinking about things a little too much lately. You should learn how to uncomplicate things so that you'll have a peaceful dreamless night to rest. Dreams always come with reason(s), and normally its because you been thinking of that particular thing too much. I do know what you been dreaming about lately, don't think that I don't =P And trust me, what you been dreaming about ain't gonna happen in real life, at least what I'm trying to say is the possibility for it to happen is somehow lower than possible.
Remember what I've been always reminding you? Have a little faith on yourself, and also on *you'd know who* =)
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Mao
So, there's an interesting personality test at Joe's blog ( You should be able to locate his blog link at the right side of my blog under "bloggies"), those who are interested, you should go have a look and check it out. It seems that I'm categorized under EFSJ, The Caregiver.
Here's a brief explanation for EFSJ:
Warm-hearted, popular, and conscientious. Tend to put the needs of others over their own needs. Feel strong sense of responsibility and duty. Value traditions and security. Interested in serving others. Need positive reinforcement to feel good about themselves. Well-developed sense of space and function.
Well, I would say the result of the test is somehow quite true, as in almost 90% of it are true. Nonetheless, it is a good personality test. Thanks jl for sharing it =)
Been feeling lost and lifeless lately, and thanks to the person that I talked with, I think I know what I should do now. If you're reading this, you'll know who you are :) Thanks for the talk and all the advise, and don't forget what I told you too =)
I know what I wanted all along, I been working towards it, and now I realized that I wont be able to become who I wanted to be. I am not the "Lucas" that everyone thinks I am, I'm more complicated inside. And with this said, I rather stop whatever that I'm doing now than to create more suffer to everyone that is around me. So from now on, if you think that I been avoiding you, or less contact, or we don't chat or meet up anymore, you'd know why.
Sometimes some things are best to be kept it to ourselves rather than to tell out and make both of us unhappy.
Here's a brief explanation for EFSJ:
Warm-hearted, popular, and conscientious. Tend to put the needs of others over their own needs. Feel strong sense of responsibility and duty. Value traditions and security. Interested in serving others. Need positive reinforcement to feel good about themselves. Well-developed sense of space and function.
Well, I would say the result of the test is somehow quite true, as in almost 90% of it are true. Nonetheless, it is a good personality test. Thanks jl for sharing it =)
Been feeling lost and lifeless lately, and thanks to the person that I talked with, I think I know what I should do now. If you're reading this, you'll know who you are :) Thanks for the talk and all the advise, and don't forget what I told you too =)
I know what I wanted all along, I been working towards it, and now I realized that I wont be able to become who I wanted to be. I am not the "Lucas" that everyone thinks I am, I'm more complicated inside. And with this said, I rather stop whatever that I'm doing now than to create more suffer to everyone that is around me. So from now on, if you think that I been avoiding you, or less contact, or we don't chat or meet up anymore, you'd know why.
Sometimes some things are best to be kept it to ourselves rather than to tell out and make both of us unhappy.
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