A Storybook of Life

2009-07-20T22:01:00.002+08:00

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You Loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity

2009-06-13T04:16:00.002+08:00

It is now 4.05am and it has been a very, very long while since I am still awake at this time of the day. Yeah, I know I said that I will update the blog with my diving trip entry, but it is not going to happen that way. I am sorry but I just do not have the feel to do so anymore. Anyway, I have uploaded an album of photos about my diving trip, anyone who is interested can proceed to my Facebook to check it out.

Just when you thought everything is going well, something always happen and turns the situation around. I know in order to improve, changes have to be made. Perhaps, it is time to get out of the comfort zone and really work hard.

I still and I will believe in You as I have faith that You have made a new way for me and You made it for my greater good. I love You.

2009-05-25T22:38:00.001+08:00

I am currently suffering from blogger's block! Gonna 'get well' soon and update you guys on my diving trip!

2009-05-13T21:43:00.002+08:00

It's been a while since my last entry. Well, I have been lazy to update this blog and I been busy with other things as well. Life has never been better, at least I feel that I am more connected to myself.

The feeling of going back to church again after so long is so good, and I love the way it is now. Anyway, I'm going away for a diving lesson soon and I am very looking forward to this. I need a getaway from my working life, lol.

Well, I pray that everything will turns out smoothly. And, I have been addicted to this particular song lately, Hillsong - This is our God. You guys should check that song out. :)

2009-05-04T10:27:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I wonder, am I being too sensitive lately, or I am just plain being left out? I think I am living a very unhealthy lifestyle. I need to change the way, perhaps I need someone to change me.

Sometimes, I just want to stay away from everything, and everyone. Just sometimes.

2009-04-29T19:58:00.001+08:00

Stop pissing me off when you know what you are doing is actually pissing me off. If you are those fellas who are enjoying themselves making fun of their friends and seeing their friends pissed off to gain excitement and to be happy, then I don't want to have such a pathetic friend.

2009-04-28T21:41:00.003+08:00

If you are single it's not that your mojo isn't working - in fact you are as hot as ever. The problem for you right now is your career and social ambitions are getting in the way of romance. You may have to slow things down a bit if you want to give love a chance.

The statement listed above, is it really true? Well, I guess it is. I might really need to give love a chance, or I scared that I will never ever be able find it again.

And, just when you thought that you do not need the money, turns out that you actually need all the money the most ! FML seriously.

FTW also !

2009-04-16T23:38:00.002+08:00

Hmm. I don't know what is happening but I can sense that something is changing. But the question is, it is changing for the good? Or, the bad?

A taste of Karma isn't what I wanted, but it happened. Oh well, I have no one to blame but myself. I'm working hard in controlling my emotions, but I am still being labeled as walking definition of 'emo'. =(

2009-04-11T13:39:00.002+08:00

I think I have found a sign. As I have just said, I think I have, thus I am not sure yet. Let time assist me in identifying it. Lets pray that I am not wrong in this, at least not this time, since I have been wrong in many things for the past 24 years of my life. =(

2009-04-10T23:51:00.002+08:00

Been super relaxing for the past few days. Sleep, eat, woke up, movie, sleep, eat, music, sleep, and the same routine for the next day. Somehow I am glad that I have been blessed with a body which will not turn fat no matter how much I eat. My friends have been telling me that I have 4 stomachs whenever I eat, but I myself don't feel that way, lol.

Better sleep and eat more while I still could, hehe. Speaking of sleep, I think I'd better go get some rest now. Before I sign off,

Happy birthday CK !

2009-04-07T21:15:00.002+08:00

Please give me a sign my lord, I need a sign so that I would know what I should do next. Or, you have actually gave me a sign, and I couldn't realize it?

If that is the case, gimme more signs then. I been feeling dizzy the whole day, I should go get some rest.

2009-04-06T22:14:00.002+08:00

Please do let me know if anyone knows where 'Saw Palmetto' can be purchased.

Thank you.

2009-04-04T21:45:00.003+08:00

My car's front speakers are getting worse, and I don't have the 'feel' to fix them yet. There are so many more important things that I have not done besides fixing the speakers, such as washing the car, vacuum and clean up the car, fixing the wheel? And, to tint the car's windows as well. All also requires money, oh my.

A lot of peoples are getting married this year, congratulations everyone, you know who you are :) Love, is such a simple thing, and yet, it could be very complicated sometimes. Its been 5 years and counting, freaking 5 years. I have to admit that I tried isolating myself from love before, and resulting in a way that I have started to feel numb, but at the same time, looking forward for one. I always say that my main priority now is career, but its not entirely true. Who in this world does not want to love and being loved?

I am currently addicted to this song: Stained - Everything Changes. Gosh, its a nice song, at least it is to me. I am pretty sure some would say that it is a emo song, but who cares, cause emo is one part of human's feelings as well.

Without emo, you might not have the chance to know what it feels to be happy. Alright, somehow I feel it sounds pretty lame again.

Stained - Everything Changes

If you just walked away
What could I really say?
Would it matter anyway?
Would it change how you feel?

I am the mess you chose
The closet you can not close
The devil in you, I suppose
'Cause the wounds never heal

But everything changes if I could
Turn back the years if you could
Learn to forgive me
Then I could learn to feel

Sometimes the things I say
In moments of disarray
Succumbing to the games we play
To make sure that it's real

But everything changes if I could
Turn back the years if you could
Learn to forgive me
Then I could learn to feel

When it's just me and you
Who knows what we could do?
If we can just make it through
The toughest part of the day

But everything changes if I could
Turn back the years if you could
Learn to forgive me
Then I could learn how to feel

Then we could stay here together
And we could conquer the world
If we could say that forever
Is more than just a word

If you just walked away
What could I really say?
And would it matter anyway?
It wouldn't change how you feel

2009-04-03T22:53:00.002+08:00

Hmm, I know nuts, but I do know that I have a dead blog. Argh, its been almost a month since my last entry. Sometimes the reason why I do not want to blog is because I do not want to turn my blog into an emo blog!

Thus, I am actually saving my blog by not posting any entries, sounds pretty lame right? Yeah, I feel the same too. I'm currently looking out for some things, a lot of things to be exact, but I have no idea where and when I will be able to find them. Some people take years and some people take days to search for what they are looking for, but for me ... ...... I am dead tired because of this, and I am trying my best to hang on.

Seriously, my blog needs some photos to lighten up this dark place. I am now looking forward to some holidays trip, such as Bangkok, Hong Kong or even Melaka -_- Its been a freaking long period of time since we all Buddiez going out to chill together, and I think the recent would be, the Genting I guess. Like I've said, its been too freaking long while already!

I have not felt a feeling for a very, very long time, and I miss the feeling. =(

2009-03-09T00:49:00.002+08:00

It has been more than a month since my last entry posted. I do not know what is the meaning of blogging anymore. There's so much I wanted to say but I do not know where should I start. I have lots of things in mind til I feel that it is starting to overflow.

The word "worry" has been a very good friend of mine for the past one month, and it still is now. I should go to bed since I still have to work on the public holiday tomorrow, but heck I am still here, trying to blog an entry that I do not know what to type.

Life has not been easy to me lately, in fact it never has. I don't usually talk if there is no need for me to talk, except when I am pretty lame and being with some close friends. In other words, I guess I am not those 'open' type of people. I guess I am just me. Yeah, this is me.

Can you open a door with the right key? Is anyone out there?

2009-02-06T20:57:00.002+08:00

It has come to that time of the year again, where you will always worry, over worry in fact. I don't really fancy and I am not looking forward to new year every year since 2 years ago, and I dislike 14th of Feb and 16th of May, I just don't like these 2 days. Why I have became like this when all these things always happen? I know I should walk out from the past and not living under the shadow of it. But, it is always easier to say than done.

How am I suppose to not worry? You tell me. Its like the history is repeating itself again, although I really hope it is not. And it hurts to see someone dear to you to keep on screaming for pain everyday. I know I should stop scaring myself, just give me some time.

2009-02-01T22:08:00.002+08:00

Well, nothing bad happened during this new year, perhaps its because its the year of Ox, and this year is my year =P That pretty explains why the Lady of Luck is always with me these few days, and hopefully many more days/weeks/months/years to come as well.

Thanks a bunch for the bbq dinner as well everyone. Although we had it at the field this time, at least it is something new and something refreshing as well, most importantly, the host is happy and everyone had fun.

Somehow I feel that the fun is too short to end. How I wish I could have a few more days to relax my mind, and not being zombie during office hours daily. Working has its own fun as well, and I've learnt to being more 'Black and White' as well, yeah taste your own medicine you bitches and bastards.

Time flies and I have to get back to work again. Oh well, breakfast and lunch will never be the same again, and the lack of your presence will result in being little more bored at the office. Nonetheless, we all will miss you Gene, and thanks for that 7 months of joy and laughter you have brought us.

2009-01-29T20:06:00.004+08:00

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw how you handled your responsibilities, even when you didn't feel good, and I learned that I would have to be responsible when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw tears come from your eyes, and I learned that sometimes things hurt, but it's all right to cry.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw that you cared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be.

Just when you...

When you thought I wasn't looking I looked at you and wanted to say,'Thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn't looking.'

2009-01-15T20:24:00.003+08:00

Was browsing through a friend's facebook photos album, and I found this interesting picture. The rabbit would be like :"What the fuck? Oh shit!"

Lolol.

2009-01-13T21:32:00.006+08:00

Never thought the first entry of 2009 would fall on the 13th. Changed my blog layout, again. New year new layout, luckily not new girlfriend and new parents. This year is rather dull, because I could not seem to be able to feel any CNY atmosphere anywhere around me. Perhaps its because I am stuck in the office and seldom go to any malls.

Speaking of outings, I am extremely looking forward to this coming Friday dinner at The Gardens. I can't think of anything about that day except for great food, great mall, great time, and on top of all, marvelous colleagues. Lots of CNY programs, but just too little time to enjoy. Nonetheless, I am looking forward to the bbq pool party on the 31st of Jan as well.

Somehow I am not looking forward to February, but lets face it, for the sake of Plan B. I should drive more slower on the road, after all, 'every trip to office is like an adventure' ehh? Lol.

We gonna miss you Gene, seriously.

P.S : One Tree Hill is back !!

2008-12-31T22:12:00.001+08:00

I shall end the year of 2008 with the following entry.

I have no idea why but I am now addicted to those hard rock songs from Chris Daughtry, Nickelback, Hinder and David Cook. They are just simply, fantastic. Oh, I do like Kate Voelege's songs as well. On the other hand, I find that soft emo (jiwang) songs are not bad too, such as Secondhand Serenade's songs. Oh, I think that's enough for songs now. Those who understands me well would know that I have been a Yes-man for far too long, and one of the resolutions for the year 2009 is learn how to say No. Actually come to think of it, the word 'No' plays a very important part in our daily life. This is because it will make a big difference depends on how you use it.

I have been always thinking, what if I said 'No' on this day and that day, and I would not have ended up like who I am today. But at the end of the day, I still believe that everything happens for a reason. Thus, there will be no point of thinking about those 'what if'(s) anymore. the year of 2008 have became a great year to me. From quit studying going back to study life, from unemployed to being employed, from poor to .. to.. to not that poor, from healthy to unhealthy, etc. The year 2008 has been a changing point of my 'adult stage' life, and it reminds me that I'm not that young anymore as well.

This year is rather a bit unusual, or I should say, rather a bit special. No countdown celebrations, no traffic jam, no watching fireworks anymore. Somehow I feel that it is not that bad to welcome the first day of the new year in such a peaceful way. It is somehow a new way of celebrating new year as well. Speaking of new, I hate the fact that I would still need to work on the very first day of the new year. I personally find that it is so pathetic, so lame, and so stupid to work on the 1st of January, without any extra pay or extra allowance. I don't blame the company, because at the end of the day, business is still business and it has to go on. Like I have said, I just hate the fact.

Another resolution among the resolutions for the year 2009 is, I need and I have to grow up. Yeah, grow up, and go ahead and laugh if you want. Hopefully the year 2009 will be a good year for me. Thank you and goodbye to the year of 2008, and welcome the year of 2009! May god bless everyone. Once again, happy new year!

Adios.
Lucas.

2008-12-23T22:06:00.000+08:00

Looking forward to the 2 incoming off days, which is the 25th and also the 26th. Feeling tired and somehow energetic, my body is screaming to go for gym exercises, lol.

With a blink of the eye, and its now the end of December already. Time seriously flies, without you knowing how fast it flew. What I have done or achieved in 2008?

- Semi finished MII papers, with 2 distinctions and an F for the rest (Yeah I know, I'm so pathetic)
- Found a job, thus source of money
- Started smoking
- Been to Genting and clubbing more often compared to last year
- Joined gym (which I have not even dream that I will be joining one anytime in the near future)
- And most of all, felt more alive !

There are still so many things yet to be done before the clock strikes to 12 midnight on the 31st of December 2008. But on top of all things, I would like to take this chance here and now, to make some confessions.

First of all, I'm truly sorry for my words and actions, if any of it that came from me has hurt anyone of you guys out there, especially Justin. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about, I'm sorry yea Jus =) And second of all, thank you so much for everything guys, especially my Buddiez and also Eugene.

2009's resolutions ehh, you may ask. Well, first is to find myself. Second would be none other than finding another job out there and leave my current company. Third and the rest, would be for me to know, soon.

And I love Christmas the most out of all the celebrations throughout the whole year. I like the picture shown below too.

Merry Christmas everyone! I hope you guys will have a lovely and enjoyable Christmas night this year, and many more years to come as well.

2008-12-10T22:07:00.001+08:00

Gerry Kennedy: Dear Holly, I don't have much time. I don't mean literally, I mean you're out buying ice cream and you'll be home soon. But I have a feeling this is the last letter, because there is only one thing left to tell you. It isn't to go down memory lane or make you buy a lamp, you can take care of yourself without any help from me. It's to tell you how much you move me, how you changed me. You made me a man, by loving me Holly. And for that, I am eternally grateful... literally. If you can promise me anything, promise me that whenever you're sad, or unsure, or you lose complete faith, that you'll try to see yourself through my eyes. Thank you for the honor of being my wife. I'm a man with no regrets. How lucky am I. You made my life, Holly. But I'm just one chapter in yours. There'll be more. I promise. So here it comes, the big one. Don't be afraid to fall in love again. Watch out for that signal, when life as you know it ends. P.S. I will always love you...

I wanna watch "P.S I Love You" the movie !

2008-12-06T15:30:00.003+08:00

I have been busy and don't really have the mood to update this blog of mine. But when I have the time to actually update the blog, sometimes I just don't have the mood to do so. Petrol price keep decreasing, recession is coming, salary remains the same, but spending is increasing. Well, this is the reality now, and its pretty suck.

Some people nowadays so getting used to not being understanding. They don't really care how others feel or think where all they care is just about themselves and getting their own things done. We just have to adopt and get use to it too eh? Been working out lately, and its been so darn long since my last work out.

And I darn bloody hate this feeling, where you don't know who you really are and what you really want. Confusion alone is suck enough, and being Not who you are suppose to be even suck big time. Its not easy to be able to find someone you can really talk everything out. I tried, and I found none in the past 23 years in my life. Yeah none, not even those 2 humans that gave you life and the chance to come to earth.

Fear and honesty is one thing, and acceptance is another thing. Not everyone can accept who their friend really is. Guess I gonna stuck in this for a little while more, or maybe few more years? Sometimes I just feel that I am better off left alone or someone should just slap me on my face.

Fornication Under the Consent of the King The World, seriously.

2008-11-16T23:04:00.000+08:00

Tsk tsk tsk, I think I have to do something about this blog of mine.

Alright, lets do some updates.

I went to catch a movie called Madagascar 2: Escape 2 Africa along with my colleagues on the Friday night.

Well, the movie was quite good, it has a few funny parts, but the storyline is just so-so for me. Its like you will feel that the movie ended too fast. Overall, its a good movie. You guys should go watch it if you have not do so :)

What else? Hmm, oh yeah, went to Sushi Zanmai for a quick lunch with Justin, Shan, Ho, Lai and their gang at Pyramid on Saturday. Needless to say, Zanmai satisfied me very much, hehe.

As for the dinner of the day, I took them to a Restaurant that is famous for its duck at Taman Paramount. Well, the food is good, especially the duck, and overall, its cheap. Its just that the service there can be further improved.
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Work related stories should be taken out of the picture so that my blog can be less emo, as it has been emo-fied long enough.

And I am looking forward to this weekend's Cameron Highland trip with my colleagues! At least it is somewhat a mini getaway thingy from all the daily routines.

I'll be paying a visit to my dentist tomorrow morning, hopefully it will work out well, to both my teeths and my wallet. :)

2008-11-03T18:11:00.002+08:00

Can't just anyone please me for once, instead I am the one who is pleasing everyone?

Fornication Under the Consent of the King !

2008-10-27T22:30:00.003+08:00

This is the last week of October and we will then proceed to November. I feel like I have been neglecting this blog lately, which is not entirely true. I'm just being busy, with things that should have not been busy with. Sounds complicating right?

Been doing things that are less important, where there are still a few things which are more important left undone. Looking forward to this weekend, where going out for a movie, a lunch with few friends, BKT breakfast, shopping, K session, and steamboat dinner is waiting.

This blog is dying eh? I can feel it.

2008-10-23T22:21:00.002+08:00

I am so friggin tired to update this blog, I am so exhausted and practically tired to death.

At least I've done 2 out of 4 things that listed in the previous post til now.

It is time now, my bed is summoning me.

Oh ya, before I forget or overshot the dates, all the best and best of luck to those who will be having finals soon, very soon.

May the force be with you, and may the night be with me.

Adios.

2008-10-12T21:55:00.002+08:00

At last, its been approved, and I get to rest, for a few days, straight. Once again, it feels good and refreshing when you get to rest whole day and sleep, and eat, and then sleep, for all you want.

Well, I had great food, great outing, great weekend, good rest, good sleep. But its not really that enjoying if I have to get through all the great and good times with a sick condition. I think its best to consult a doc when I have the time now.

Looking forward to tomorrow chilling session. Too bad I can't go to the beach side to chill during these AL, because I always wanted to lay back on the beach, to feel the warmth of the sunlight, to feel the softness of the sand, to feel the wind when it touches every part of your skin, to hear the sound of the waves. Ah, its already so relaxing, just by imagining it.

But never mind, at least I get to feel the feeling of flying on the ice tomorrow. Its hard to find friends who have the same interest with you, and its even harder to actually plan a outing for it together, but good times do not always drop by often.

To do list:

Consult doc
Pay bills
Go back to institute to do some documentations
... Oh yeah, tags man. Need to do tags

So far that's all for now. Weeee, happy AL !

2008-10-09T22:37:00.002+08:00

I need rest. I need sleep. Please please please approve my annual leaves. I am so friggin tired of hanging on.

Its been a month's time and I am still sick. Why the hell I have to sick for 4 weeks time so long?

I think its that time again, to do something that I will enjoy in doing. I look forward to the day.

Freaking tired

2008-10-05T21:05:00.000+08:00

First and foremost, Happy Birthday to Justin and Kennie. And yeah, as already blogged by Joe and CK, went to Chillis for lunch *Thanks Jus for the lunch!* , followed up with pool session, movie, and also dinner as well. Was planned to go back to office to finish some work, but was canceled at the very last minute. Nonetheless, I already stress like hell, as predicted yesterday, but I did not regret for making such decision. This is because good times don't always come by, and when it comes, you'll just have to treasure it. =) And now I understand why did things happened that way, else I would have missed out all the pool session, movie and also the dinner with them.

Its been a while since we all last went out or hang out together, as such a group. Or perhaps I should say it's been a while since I last join their huge group of friends for any outing activities. It feels nice once again, for having to go out with such a huge group, and from morning to midnight. At least it got my mind off from daily stress and worries, thanks guys, thanks Jus.

7th of October is coming, and nothing obvious has been done yet. I thought of giving it a try by talk things out, hoping there will be a change, or perhaps a slight change, but to only find myself getting nearer to disappointment again. Although I have to admit that one of my friend is semi right, he said, "Don't think what the company can give you, ask yourself what you can give the company." Yeah, with such an under-performance result right now, I shouldn't ask for more things, but in order to get back in track, like what I used to be, I have to at least have the most basic equipments to help out, which I have asked but still waiting.

On the other hand, yeah, I admit that I'm not really that such a scorer like other agents. Other agents are able to perform, able to do so many transactions per day, but I failed to do so. I know what and where went wrong, I just have to concentrate and work little harder on it. The workload is seriously driving me up the wall, and I should just see it as a test, a challenge. I don't know how much longer I can hang on as I already struggling as of now, few more weeks? few more months? Pray and hope for a better tomorrow.

Once again, thank you so much guys, for yesterday.

2008-09-30T21:19:00.000+08:00

Yeah, it is been a long time since my last entry, been busy lately. So I thought of writing an entry before September ends, and it is not nice for the month to end without an official update. Most of the people are most likely having their holiday breaks from colleges, studies, and work. But sadly, I have none at all until the 13th, then only I will be able to take a few days off to rest.

Been having friggin heavy workloads these few days, and it is gonna get heavier each day. I can foresee that I gonna have a stressful week ahead. Went to for a dinner with Ho and Vin Son the other night, along with a few my colleagues as well. Thanks for the night Ho, and I'm glad you took the effort to make it a night.

Its amazing how your friends that only know you for two months are able to see through one's weaknesses and thoughts. Like I have said before, one does not need years or months to understand someone ehh? Its even more amazing when your friends that only know you for two months are able to make you change 360 degrees from bad to good ehh?

It is so tiring for one to please everyone around him, but only to found out that he has pleased everyone, but himself. I seriously know and understand that now Jus =) Some just keep on taking and never once give, and some just keep on giving and never once take. Only a few willing to give and take. But then again, pure giving is somehow better than pure taking right?

3 months and I'll change to a better-self of mine, both mentally and physically, I hope. I believe so. I still owe Jus a tag and I still owe Zhi Wei a tag. I'll do them soon.

2008-09-16T22:55:00.001+08:00

Its been a while since I last update my blog. Been rather busy lately. Went for a gathering with a group of friends during the weekend where you last met were few years ago. The venue was Genting, but I was told to meet up my bro at his house before we go up together. I have always wanted to see his son, but I did not have such a chance and time during the past, but I am glad that I saw him that day, he's now 2 years old, few months more to 3. His name is Ken, at least I call him that, hehe. He looks more like his mother than his father, but he sure has his father's naughtyness, rofl. Below is his picture attached, such a cute little kid. =)

We were then head up to Genting as planned, but ended up to spend a night at the room when we have 8 of ourselves in total. Time flies when you are having great times with a group of friends. We did not play all the outdoor theme park thingy at all, we just done some climbing, pooling, betting, and of course, walking, seeing, and eating. Nonetheless, we enjoyed and had a great time together. Thank you guys, for planning this gathering, and making it up. =)

I lost the mood to work, and I really need to search for it again. Been slacking lately, eventhough I been in office the whole day. I should not continue to be like this anymore if I wish to still working with the same company. And I was just told to clear off all my leaves before 30th of Nov, and I have 16 days yet to clear. I hope this will be changed in the near future, as I personally don't see the point of making such decision. And yet again, where can I go from here?

I have been knocked in the head again lately, to remind myself that we should not take things for granted at all, anything and everything, else the consiquences will not turn out to be flavourably well to bare. Seriously bro, you may think I do not really understand how you feel or comprehend and relate all the things that you are going through, but I just want you to always remember, and as I always say, have a little faith in yourself, in her and in it.

Hope life will get better every tomorrow.

2008-09-08T21:47:00.002+08:00

There's always a period of time, where you have stopped moving forward, and wonder which direction you should continue walking in the road of life. Well, the time has come for me. Things aren't going on really that well at the moment, and it has come to a point where I start scanning through all my thoughts again. I don't believe in coincidence, as everything happens for a reason. If I leave, where should I head to? I'm not just "any other" adult, almost everyone knows why. And insurance isn't the subject that I choose for myself at the first place either, sometimes humans just have to learn things the hard way. I always respect those who know what they really want in life. To me, they are the extraordinary, they are more than just normal.

That is why I respect Zhi Wei. Its because he knows what he really wants in life, and he's fighting hard for it. Some might think that he's stupid, because they don't think that he will make it, based on his current skill level. Some are thinking that he's wasting his youth, time and money on a dream that they don't think he'll achieve. Most of his friends have a mindset where they think that education is more important than their dreams, but I find this is very wrong. Just because you tend to follow the tradition doesn't mean what others are doing is wrong. At least he's fighting for his dream at his early years of life, rather than only getting started fighting for it around the mid of 20's. As a friend, if you have done your part by telling him the bigger picture of both sides, and he chose to fight for his dream in the end, then by all means you guys should encourage him. Moreover, no one can predicts the future.

Back to scanning my thoughts in my own world, alone.

2008-09-03T21:42:00.004+08:00

Just to name a few, refer below.
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Apathy - If we don't take care of the customers, maybe they'll stop bugging us.

Bitterness - Never be afraid to share your dreams with the world, because there's nothing the world loves more than the taste of really sweet dreams.

Blame - The secret of success is knowing who to blame for your failures.

Consistency - It's only a virtue if you're not a screwup.

Customer disservice - Because we're not satisfied until you're not satisfied.

Despair - It's always darkest just before it goes pitch black.

Do it Later - The early worm is only for the birds.

Dreams - Dreams are like rainbows. Only idiots chase them.

Failure - When your best just isn't good enough.

Idiocy - Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Laziness - Success is a journey, not a destination. So stop running.

Procrastination - Hard work often pays off after time, but laziness always pays off now.

Stupidity - Quitters never win,winners never quit, but those who never win AND never quit are idiots.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Roflmao !

Credits/Source : http://www.despair.com/viewall.html =)

2008-09-01T21:36:00.004+08:00

Thank you my buddiez, all my friends, and also everyone. Thanks guys for the all the birthday wishes and all the presents. Thanks a bunch for attending all the dinner and activities and stuffs, I really appreciate it a lot. And I'm sorry JunLin, I couldn't attend your party as I have a dinner on that same night as well.

28/08/2008

Went to Times Square with a group of colleagues after work to chill for the night. The traffic was still okay that night, and we arrived there around 8.30 I supposed. Had our dinner at Dome, and I have to say that the food there was quite good *not to mention that bouncy tiramisu cake ! Thanks a bunch guys !* although it costs a little. After much thoughts, we decided to go for a round of bowling before we call it a night. And of course, that two games of bowling are awesome !

29/08/2008

Its a Friday, and thanks to certain someone, he "made" my whole afternoon so "completely perfect", "thanks"! Rushed back to Sunway Pyramid for a dinner gathering after work with the group of teens. I am very very sorry for being late for an hour that night, unexpected traffic jam occurred, once again I am very sorry guys =) Had our dinner at Sushi Zanmai. The food was awesome, and its not really that expensive, at least it is cheaper than I expected. We then head to KL for a round of Sisha and a glass of beer before we called it a night.

31/08/2008

Its a Sunday ! Went to Chandelier for a dinner gathering with my Buddiez. The food was not bad, at least the salmon temayaki is nice enough for me. But the drinks were, were being conned. A special thank you dedicated to my beloved Ying, for her effort of making a cake especially for me. I love the cake, seriously. =) The whole group of us decided to go for a 'sing k' session since its been a while we went for 'sing k' session as one whole group. We headed to Neway 1U after our dinner, and we spent the rest of the night there.

---------------------------------------

I apologize as there are no pictures / photos taken during all the dinner/bowling/K session, at least those photos are not with me right now.

2008-08-26T21:48:00.004+08:00

~ Porsiempre_Amigos ~

Congratulations to my buddiez who graduated during the last weekend. Thanks for the invitation to your convo, you guys have my best wishes always. Its easy to have many friends, but its hard to have a group of buddiez. Time flies, and here we are, looking at the day where you officially graduated from your study life, and starting to enter another new stage of life.

*You guys are my everything*

2008-08-19T22:39:00.003+08:00

I don't know what went wrong with me, but somehow I just miss the feeling of emo. Yeah, I'm that strange enough, lol.

Looking at what I am doing, what we are doing, what peoples are doing, it is as if we are all struggling for something every day. But how many of us truly have a clear mind of what is the main reason behind all the struggles? And how many of us able to hang on to what we believe to be true at all time?

Where do you see yourself in 3 years time? Honestly I do not know.

Good night.

2008-08-17T19:31:00.005+08:00

I don't have anything special to blog about lately, and thus I did not blog much. Things have got better lately, as in been enjoying playing Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3 at office from 10am to 6.30pm everyday for the past week straight. Yeah, now this is called stress-less working life, and frankly, it is my first time where I looking forward to go to the office every single day!

My friend claims that my blog is boring as there is not much pictures uploaded in it, and yeah, I have to admit that it is somehow a fact too. Its not that I do not take any pictures, its just that I do not know what pictures to take. Its been great for the past week, went out for dinner and movie with colleagues, foosball, pool, etc.

I just realized that I have missed attending my buddy's convocation. Who knows how much and what else more that I have missed. Time flies, and it has been 3 months since I started working, 9 more months to go. Goodbye to Interactive Entertainment, welcome to WiLife. Seriously I have to get control over my spending, but due to the excitement when I saw delicious food, I just can't seem to resist myself from eating them.

Ignorance is bliss eh? I wonder how long more could I take. Heh. Politics are never once my favorite game, but there is no 'restart' button or 'power off' switch in the game, however, there is only 'game over' in the game. Oh well, may the best man wins.

2008-08-07T22:00:00.002+08:00

It's funny how things are changing from one way to another. It is bad enough to talk big and get overboard with your words everyday, and it is worst when you know a gang of peoples hate you for the way you talk and act everyday.

I apologize for all the words I've said in the past, and I shall now be a good man. I've never imagine there comes a day where everyone hates the bird so bloody much til we all talk about how much we hate him every single day.

I can foresee that I will be broke by the 3rd week of this month, or maybe the 4th week. I knew I have overspent since the first week of the month. Luckily there's no buddy birthday this month, else I would have to spend more on it. I might even have to spend more during the last week of the month. We shall wait and see.

Sometimes I wish I have confidence in myself, so that I will not always scared of this and that when the time comes. And I have been thinking a little too much lately, but I always told myself that things that are happening now are due to karma, and maybe this is what I deserved.

I am not emo, at least not now. I am tired of emo-ing all the time, I feel like it is somehow childish when emo. But heck, there's nothing wrong being childish once a while right? Will the time ever comes? I hope it will soon.

2008-07-31T23:14:00.003+08:00

I can't stand my colleague, I'm dissatisfied with the management, and I've just indirectly screwed my manager in front of his face, without any sarcasm.

My CSAT is dropping due to no new cases coming to my inbox, and I do not want to do extra work with no increment in my salary. I work for Datacom, I don't die for Datacom, and definitely not Logitech.

I'm getting use to wearing a mask everyday since every other people is wearing it at office.

Wonder how worse things will turn out to be in the next few weeks.

2008-07-20T17:42:00.003+08:00

我不孤单但我很寂寞. 我想很多人并不知道这句话的意思.
有时不知为何我会有一种很不安的感觉每当我有这种感觉时我就会自责.
远看眼前多数的朋友都是一对一对的我就会开始胡思乱想.
也是因为这原因有时我宁可独自出街或干脆锁自己在家.

现在的我是过着一种已被麻木的生活.
有时我甚至觉得我已经跟外面的世界中断了联系
也许一起长大的朋友们都已经有了属于他们自己的一番事业各都在忙各自的
喝荼的时间少了聚会更不用多说了

我承认有时真的是我不对毕竟自己也知道自己的脾气
从一段蛮要好的朋友变成了如今只在短讯里回复了一个字的朋友
也许我的毛病又发作了但是我觉得这种友谊真的很可惜
试问这真的是一种人生的必经阶段吗

今天的手机不断的在响
当下的我真的怀疑手机出了问题或者是那些无聊和没用的廣告短讯
因为平常的我可说是一天以内都不会有手机响超过两次的现况出现
可想言知我一直以来都是过着这种低潮的生活

FUCK

2008-07-17T22:30:00.002+08:00

I can't even have a fucking proper off day to fucking study for my fucking exam, just because I have to go for a fucking training during the whole fucking week.

Why the fuck is everything has to be so fucked up? Fucking company with fucking management and the fucking institute with its fucking exam.

FUCK

2008-07-07T20:46:00.002+08:00

I going to dump my blog for a period of time, effectively as of now.

I need time to really search for myself.

I am sorry and thank you for those who concern, and thank you for those who don't as well.

P/S: I'll do the tag after I have found myself. Sorry Jus.

2008-07-05T20:52:00.001+08:00

I need to know.

I just need to know.

I really need to know.

Titleless

2008-06-30T11:39:00.002+08:00

Are things changing for the better, or the worse? I know everything happens for a reason, I truly understand that, but why everything seems to be changing for the worse?

Okay, I am now officially over worried, I am sorry. I'm just scared about the future. It brings tears to my eyes whenever I think about it. I should really stop now.

Insane

2008-06-30T08:28:00.006+08:00

Am I been thinking too much again? Yes I think I am. In fact I have already been thinking too much just to think I am thinking too much.

I failed to rest well lately, I think I am overstressed. I been dreaming about myself doing work at office for the past three nights continuously. I have to stop this before I drive myself up the wall.

Last but not least, thank you. If it isn't because of you, most likely I would still be emo-ing and smoking now. My words might not seem to be trustworthy to you anymore, but I really do mean it. I am really very grateful, for everything.

11.5 currently. 12 soon

2008-06-26T22:07:00.003+08:00

Does anyone still remember I've once mentioned that I will be transferring to the phones team? Yeah, the time has come. Starting from next week, which is July, I will be supporting HongKong customers. I've been told that I will only act as a backup for the HK queue, because there are only gonna have 2 peoples handling HK phone queue. The newcomer will handle all the main calls, I will only be assisting him when he doesn't have the time to do everything.

While assisting him, I will still handling AP mails. This means I have to report to 2 different team's superiors at the same time, wtf?!! And I going to have another test next week, why must every important things have to be scheduled at next week? Then 2 weeks later I will have another test, then 1 month later I will have my finals.

11.5 hours everyday are damn lifeless. And I can't seem to p** !! This is so unhealthy.

Thank you

2008-06-23T14:42:00.002+08:00

Went to Jedrik's party during Saturday night, had some fun and liquor. Thanks Jedrik, for the party, for making it as a chance, for everything. I just feel that, I am quite useless, or I should just say very useless. Why didn't I be the one who took the initiative to make things right again instead of the other party although I myself know that I am in fault for causing all of it? Yeah, I know many of you guys will agree on this, that's what I felt for myself too.

Somehow I just don't feel right being who I am now. It is like I don't know anything about myself anymore. Yes, I agree that everything is different now, things changed, peoples changed. I changed badly too, by walking out on people's life although I myself is at fault, and of course by smoking as well. For those who don't know that I smoke, yes I have been smoking for almost 2 months now. It all started since the first day of me making and done some bad decisions through an irrational mind that caused up the whole thing, and it has stopped as things are over and settled on Sat night.

I could not turn back time to make things right again and being as close as before, but I will try my best to change back to who I really used to be, before all these things happened. I miss those lame jokes that we made, I miss those msn conversation parts that we once had, I miss those laughs, I miss those times where you will ask me opinions or ideas for things, basically I miss those good old days. I know you are tired hearing me saying all the sorries and stuffs, and 'sorry' doesn't really mean sorry anymore when I kept on repeating it everytime after I done something wrong. But still, I just want to say for the one last time, I am really sorry, and I really mean it.

Once again, I am really grateful, and thank you for everything.

21st June

2008-06-21T10:50:00.000+08:00

Took force leave today, due to system upgrading that result in server down. But why Saturday? Why not Sunday? I guess everything happened for a reason, I should just wait, observe, learn and understand it.

Anyway, watched Kungfu Panda at MidValley Wednesday, with Nigel. Nice movie if you were to ask me, made everyone laughed out loud while watching it. Went out to Williams for a dinner with Pand3 and Thad, along with Kenny and Rhys. Its been a while since Pand3 came to KL, but he still looks the same, as in lala-fied, rofl.

And today, 21st of June, it is a rather complicated day for me. I know what I need to do, but I just don't know how to do it. Once again, I can blame no one but only myself for making things worse and led to such situation. I want to drink tonight, but I have to work tomorrow.I can foresee that I have to stay back til late at night for my work to finish, but things never come easy, will they?

For now, all I know is I have to finish my up assignment which it's duedate was on Monday =.= Yes, this is my life, life which full of procrastination and lack of time, sleep, fun and .. and .. friends.

Dead tired

2008-06-15T21:45:00.004+08:00

I am so dead tired today. Went to work yesterday, straight head to buddiez's birthday drinking session after work, got drunk, went for midnight karaoke session, came back around 5 in the morning, did not sleep, straight went to work again at 8 this morning, and only able to leave office around 7.30.

Went to SouLed Out for our dinner and drinking session at Sri Hartamas. Below is the picture of the vodka that we ordered, in which is the exact same thing that got me drunk.

And I myself couldn't believe that I actually fell asleep while standing inside the train, just imagine that. I have mid term test for insurance tomorrow but I haven't even touch my file yet, blessed it be.

[ Lost ]

2008-06-11T12:39:00.003+08:00

Please ignore this entry as it will pretty much bored you, coz it is boring.

There's a farewell gathering session for Kenny on this coming Friday the 13th which I think I have to go no matter how late I gonna work til that night. Friends leaving one by one, either one way or the other, sigh =/ Sometimes I wonder why this is happening? Was it caused by other issues, or was it because of me not being good enough?

I admit I was in fault and should be responsible for certain incident throughout the past, for not being good and considerate enough, for not having a mature mind and act up to my age, etc etc. But what's done is done, can't really turn back anymore. I just have to deal with the regrets and guiltiness and cheer up by torturing myself little by little everyday with some bad stuffs.

Stress from work and studies is making the situation worse everyday. I only have one word and nothing but just one word in my mind these few days, or perhaps these few weeks, [Lost]. Seeing everyone being happy and having their quality time with their friends, doing things that they enjoy doing, or even laughing at some jokes makes me envy them sometimes. Its like what CK once said about how he felt. Why I have to stuck in this situation and feeling lost, regrets and guilty everyday, only to able to rely on bad stuffs to make me feel better every day? I tried letting it go, forget all about it, and start all over, but only to found out that I actually making things worse, and so now, I dare not have it pass over me anymore in order to just making sure it doesn't turn worst although it is worse enough already now.

Off day isn't a real off day for me, its just another study day for me, and I have to rush assignment, study for my test and go for my classes on my so called weekly off day.

Broke

2008-06-08T12:43:00.003+08:00

With the inflation that's happening, plus I had a friend's birthday at 31st of May, and have another 3 friends' birthday which falls on the 5th, 6th and 15th, and also one more additional birthday party dinner on the 21st of June, I can conclude that money is simply so not enough for this month !

I gonna be sooooo broke this month =/

Hang On

2008-06-07T18:14:00.001+08:00

Work is starting to get hectic recently, so does my insurance course. Started doing 1 live mail yesterday, but ended up it wasn't as good as I thought it would be. I have been always so careless, I guess I need time, to get use to it, to master it. 1 email already end up this way, I don't dare to imagine what if I am in the phones team, it would be disaster =/

I always tell people what to do and how to do, but I don't do them myself, why? I don't know, but I want to know why. I didn't know one can actually changed back to be good after they turned bad until I saw a living proof last night. Somehow I felt happy, and gave myself some hope to stop doing things that I ain't suppose to do now. Majority of people have no idea what I am talking about, only few know, but everyone will get to know soon, in a few weeks time.

Time to start doing my assignment, again. Hope for a better tomorrow.

F T W !

2008-06-04T23:05:00.004+08:00

Petrol price increased but my salary remains the same, ftw !!

I saved 20 bucks by pumping 50 bucks, ftw !!

Anyway, shift roster going to start next Monday. Sayonara to normal working days, hello to shift roster schedule.

New Challenges

2008-06-03T20:32:00.000+08:00

I always wanted to try and learn new things, it is what I wanted when I apply for a position in this company. But today when my manager told me that I will be transferred to the phones team to deal with Hong Kong customers 2 months later, just because I am the only one who knows how to speak cantonese *@#^$&%#@$%*, somehow I don't feel happy.

I mean yeah, it is a new way out for me, out of the things that I suppose to do, so it is considered as a new thing, but I'm still under training now, and I'm still new to the email, and I'm happy with the email team, as of currently still is. Honestly, email is rather more simple than phones, as in work wise. On the other hand, phones are more pressure, but advantage wise, it is definitely way better than email, cause emails team can't do phone calls, but the phones team able to do all kinds of email. I don't really like the phones team, cause I know how pressured it will turn out to be at the very end of the day, it is always been like this since my previous job.

Bahhh, good things won't come in easy way, I guess I just have to deal with it and hope for the best of it. Although it is a few days late, but still I want to wish my buddiez Hoe happy belated birthday. Time flies, we're now 23 and we're both working already. Miss those old days so much =) Oh well, all the best in life aite. Below are some pictures of the previous week.

This is called as 'The Tower'

This is called as the 'Shout Out Shots a.k.a S.O.S'

Another view of it, it has 10 shots in one bowl

And now I have to get back to rushing my workbook and assignment. =/

Over you

2008-05-29T20:06:00.004+08:00

First, I will have to screw the friggin hard exam tomorrow, then only I will be able to spend my weekend with my group of Buddiez with my mom's new car =) It is been a while since we whole group of peeps last hang out together.

I realized age really does matter, cause it will more or less influence or affect the maturity level of your mind and also the way of thinking. So, screw the past for wasting my time to watch over people's back while they shut you out of their life without giving you any explanation. I can only blame myself for being naive and foolish. If I have the chance to choose again, I rather I have never meet you guys, at all.

Let this be my fresh start, for moving on after all the shitty things, for everything. And today is the 29th already, so it means its almost the end of the month, which also a happy number for those who are working. ;)

30 hours

2008-05-28T22:59:00.003+08:00

24 hours a day is definitely not enough, especially on Monday and Wednesday. I need 6 more additional hours per day, or at least 3 per day. It is time to revise and study, and rest then work.

2008-05-27T19:05:00.002+08:00

A boy had a good laugh at his office with his colleagues 2 days before the day after tomorrow. It is been a while since the boy last laughing out loud. They talked about a few lame things and started laughing among themselves till the boy's superior looking at them and wondering what they are laughing.

The boy invented a new phrase for the meaning of stubborn: "Soundproof headed person". Other than that, they came across another lame phrase/sentence that they saw, "2 days before the day after tomorrow". Last but not least, they also came across another famous phrase, or rather quote by our Samivelu, "Besok hantar, hari ni sampai".

And the boy is even more happy that he's able to go off at 5pm before the sky starts crying. :)

People always leave

2008-05-25T18:34:00.000+08:00

Katherine Anne Porter once said: "There seems to be a kind of order in the universe in the movement of the stars and in the turning of the earth and the changing of the seasons. But human life is almost pure chaos. Everyone takes his stance, asserts his own rights and feelings, mistaking the motives of others, and his own."

Nathaniel Hawthorne once wrote: "No man, for any considerable period can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true."

Tennessee Williams once wrote: "When so many are lonely as seems to be lonely it would be inexcusably selfish to be lonely alone."

John F. Kennedy once said: "The courage of life is a magnificent mixture of triumph and tragedy. A man does what he must, in spite of personal consequences, in spite of obstacles and dangers and pressures. And that is the basis of all morality."

Kahlil Gibran once wrote: "Your reason and your passion are the rudder and sails of your seafaring soul. If either be broken, you can but toss and drift or else be held at a standstill in mid-seas. For reason, ruling alone, is a force confining. And passion, unattended is a flame that burns to its own destruction."

Charles Bukowski once wrote: "There will always be something to ruin our lives. It all depends on what or which finds us first. We are always ripe and ready to be taken."

Joseph Conrad once wrote: "Who knows what true happiness is? Not the conventional word, but the naked terror. To the lonely themselves, it wears a mask. The most miserable outcast hugs some memory. Or some illusion."

Stephen King once wrote: "Time takes it all. Whether you want it to or not. Time takes it all, time bears it away, and in the end, there is only darkness. Sometimes we find others in that darkness. And sometimes we lose them there again."

Tennessee Williams once wrote: "We all live in a house of fire. No fire department to call. No way out. Just the upstairs window to look out of while the fire burns down the house...with us trapped, locked in it."

Peyton Sawyer once said: "At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world. Six billion souls. And sometimes -- all you need is one."

Ralph Waldo Emerson once wrote: "There is no privacy that cannot be penetrated. No secret can be kept in the civilized world. Society is a masked ball where everyone hides his real character, then reveals it by hiding."

Robert Louis Stevenson once said: "You cannot run away from a weakness; you must sometimes fight it out or perish. And if that be so, why not now, and where you stand?"

Idus Scott Taylor once wrote: "Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone. And do not trouble about the future for it is yet to come. Live in the present and make it so beautiful, that it will be worth remembering."

Lucas Eugene Scott once said: "There comes a time when every life goes off course. In this desperate moment you must choose your direction. Will you fight to stay on the path while others tell you who you are? Or will you label yourself? Will you be honored by your choice? Or will you embrace your new path? Each morning you choose to move forward or to simply give up."

Lucas Eugene Scott once said: "You ever look a picture of yourself, and see a stranger in the background?. It makes you wonder how many strangers have pictures of you. How many moments of other peoples life have we been in. Were we a part of someone's life when their dream came true or were we there when their dream died. Did we keep trying to get in? As if we were somehow destined to be there or did the shot take us by surprise. Just think, you could be a big part of someone elses life, and not even know it."

Lucas Eugene Scott once said:" Regret comes in all shapes and sizes. Some are small , like when we do a bad thing, for a good reason. Some are bigger, like when we let down a friend. Some of us escape the pains of regret by making the right choice. Some of us have little time for regret, because we're looking forward to the future. Sometimes we have to fight to come to terms with the past. And sometimes we bury our regret, by promising to change our ways. But our biggest regrets are not for the things we did... but the things we didn't do. The things we didn't say that could save someone we care about. Especially when we can see the dark storm that's headed their way."

Lucas Eugene Scott once said: "Have you ever had a dream that seemed so real when you woke up you didn't know what to believe? What would you do if what you thought was true wasn't, and what you thought wasn't true was. Would you retreat into your dreams with the hope of finding a more perfect reality? Sometimes life is stranger than a dream, and the only way to wake up is to face what lies are hidden in your soul. And you can only hope that in those moments of dark reflection, that you are not alone."

Lucas Eugene Scott once said: "If you could go back and just change one thing about your life, would you? And if you did, would that change make your life better? Or would that change ultimately break your heart? Or break the heart of another? Would you choose an entirely different path? Or would you change just one thing? Just one moment. One moment that you've always wanted back."

William Blake once wrote: "There are things that are known and things that are unknown. And in between, there are doors."

Albert Camus once wrote: "Blessed are the hearts that can bend; they shall never be broken." But I wonder if there's no breaking then there's no healing, and if there's no healing then there's no learning. And if there's no learning then there's no struggle. But struggle is a part of life. So must all hearts be broken?

Lucas Eugene Scott once said: "Sometimes when you're young you think nothing can hurt you. It's like being invincible. Your whole life is ahead of you and you have big plans. Big Plans. To find your perfect match, the one who completes you. But as you get older you realize it's not always that easy. It's not until the end of your life that you realize how the plans you made where simply plans. Because at the end when you're looking back instead of forward you want to believe you made the most of what life gave you. You want to believe you're leaving something good behind. You want it all to have mattered."

Mao

2008-05-21T22:37:00.006+08:00

I guess this is how it'll end, and here's as far as we can and we will go. I am so damn tired of waiting and giving, and I don't want to be like this anymore. My grandpa incident made me realized that I'm not who I thought I am to you.

I've decided to stop everything that I've been asked to do, and I gave up. Farewell and all the best.

Mao

2008-05-18T22:30:00.001+08:00

I want to dedicate this entry to my grandpa, who passed away on Friday early morning. He has been summoned to rest by His side, and you'll be greatly remembered and dearly miss.

Still, I have a confession that I want to make. Its obviously too late to do any confession now, but I hope you'll know through my prayers. You've fully done well on your role as my grandpa, but I on the other hand, have not fulfill my responsibilities as your grandson. I'm sorry for that, I'm sorry for all the wrongdoings, misbehaving, and also disrespectful acts that I've done.

But its good that you're free from anything and everything now. Perhaps I should really stop doing it now, else I'll end up as the same as you, which I know exactly its a thing you don't want it to happen. Hope you'll have a great time traveling around the world, and may you rest in peace.

--------

I don't know what is really happening and where went wrong, I used to have the intention to know and find out and fix it, but I don't have any of it anymore now.

Mao

2008-05-14T20:11:00.005+08:00

I saw this through my office's window where I was sitting today.

And after zooming in just half of it, it turns out to be actually this.

I didn't realize that my office is just directly beside SJI. I miss those boys, especially the one who has a girlfriend.

Mao

2008-05-12T20:34:00.003+08:00

It's been at least six months or more since I last saw something like this.

I know I'll be seeing lots of this in the near future. Yet again, another day has passed without spending time with you, and you don't have much days left. Sigh.

Edit: Not that I don't want to reply, but I can't seem to type any thing at my cbox, I don't know why.

Mao

2008-05-11T21:45:00.004+08:00

There's so much yet to do, but there's just too little time left. And its just too little too late to actually do everything that I wanted to do. Its too complicated to do everything, and almost anything. I don't have enough time.

It actually hurts my heart to know that you only have few more days left on this place call earth. It hurts even more knowing the fact that I don't have anymore time because I have to work, and you're getting weaker each day. There's so much that I want to confess, I want to apologize, I want to tell you, but I couldn't.

I know that I've been walking in your shadow, following your foot steps unknowingly for almost a month now. And I also know that I'll end up the same as you if I don't stop doing it now. I can't help it anymore. I really feel helpless inside. I want to spend some time to see you but I don't really able to have any.

I am sorry, and I love you, for every single little thing. I just wish you know. And I cant believe I'm crying typing this.

Mao

2008-05-08T20:49:00.002+08:00

Friends, they play a big role in your life, and they are so great in doing their part of it. I didn't even realize til now that some of them even do BETTER than others.

Some only talk to you when they need help from you. Some only ask you out when they have nothing better to do. Some just pretend nothing happened when they owe you something. Some will just shut you out without letting you to speak up for yourself.

Thanks for helping me to realize it. Thank you so much.

Mao

2008-05-08T16:27:00.002+08:00

Blessed it be. I thought I did badly for those tests, but it turns out that I did it quite well. Oh well, I've made it anyway. I'll treasure this new start over. Its time to really work hard, its time to grow up.

14th of may will be my first day.

Thanks. =)

Mao

2008-05-07T13:43:00.006+08:00

I realized that I'm just too stupid to be true. I should have typed 2k or something, or at least 1.8k. Luckily the HR is kind enough to help me to change the figure at my resume, but then I was shocked when she told me she gonna change it to more than what I thought I should type, Omg !

Cause honestly with my current status of education level, I don't really deserve a high starting pay. I'm pretty sure all my close friends are aware of this. Hmm, I'll need all the luck that I could get for tomorrow's interview. I just hope everything will turn out fine.

All the best to myself ! Seriously, I want this job so badly, its not about the money, its just about... a getaway from all the daily dramas, and also as a prevention from all the possible future unhappy dramas. Those who been thinking too much lately would know what I mean, lolz.

Mao

2008-05-06T23:30:00.003+08:00

I'm not healthy. I'm sick. And I know that I'm really sick. It hurts. I need a cure. I need medicine. I need remedy. I need concerns which without asking me anything. I need love.

And I know no one understands what I'm talking. No one.

Life isn't so great after all.

Mao

2008-05-05T02:52:00.010+08:00

I'm glad its all over now, I hope. But still, I want you to know that I'm so sorry too, seriously I am. I was laying back down on the sofa while watching television programs just now, and I was thinking about all the things that happened, and all the things that I've done. I realized a lot of things, things which I know I shouldn't have done.

I should have know better of my own temper, I should have control it better. I shouldn't have blow it up on you sarcastically that night. I should have been more considerate, knowing the fact that you have your other commitments to care for as well. I shouldn't be selfish at times like this. I only cared for my feelings, and I didn't think of how you'd feel back then, which I know I should have do so. And most of all, I've partially caused you couldn't able to get some rest.

I feel sooo bad after thinking back all the things I've done. Its like I done nothing productive to save the situation, but only to making it worse instead. I should have been a better friend than who I am today, and I know I did tell you that I gonna be a better friend in the future, but I failed to do so once again. I guess I've screwed up more than I could realize. Somehow I'm kinda disappointed with myself now.

I know I been talking too much on the matter with you already for the past few days, and I know it doesn't matter anymore no matter what I've done, or things that I should have done but I didn't, coz its over. I really glad its over now, seriously I do. But I just don't feel right letting this over by not saying things out, thus thats the main point of this entry. I don't know if you're reading this or not, but then I wish you'll come across this entry and know about what I wanted to say on the matter, that I am really sorry too.

I hope everything is alright now, and seriously you've been thinking about things a little too much lately. You should learn how to uncomplicate things so that you'll have a peaceful dreamless night to rest. Dreams always come with reason(s), and normally its because you been thinking of that particular thing too much. I do know what you been dreaming about lately, don't think that I don't =P And trust me, what you been dreaming about ain't gonna happen in real life, at least what I'm trying to say is the possibility for it to happen is somehow lower than possible.

Remember what I've been always reminding you? Have a little faith on yourself, and also on *you'd know who* =)

Mao

2008-05-01T22:04:00.005+08:00

So, there's an interesting personality test at Joe's blog ( You should be able to locate his blog link at the right side of my blog under "bloggies"), those who are interested, you should go have a look and check it out. It seems that I'm categorized under EFSJ, The Caregiver.

Here's a brief explanation for EFSJ:
Warm-hearted, popular, and conscientious. Tend to put the needs of others over their own needs. Feel strong sense of responsibility and duty. Value traditions and security. Interested in serving others. Need positive reinforcement to feel good about themselves. Well-developed sense of space and function.

Well, I would say the result of the test is somehow quite true, as in almost 90% of it are true. Nonetheless, it is a good personality test. Thanks jl for sharing it =)

Been feeling lost and lifeless lately, and thanks to the person that I talked with, I think I know what I should do now. If you're reading this, you'll know who you are :) Thanks for the talk and all the advise, and don't forget what I told you too =)

I know what I wanted all along, I been working towards it, and now I realized that I wont be able to become who I wanted to be. I am not the "Lucas" that everyone thinks I am, I'm more complicated inside. And with this said, I rather stop whatever that I'm doing now than to create more suffer to everyone that is around me. So from now on, if you think that I been avoiding you, or less contact, or we don't chat or meet up anymore, you'd know why.

Sometimes some things are best to be kept it to ourselves rather than to tell out and make both of us unhappy.

Mao

2008-04-28T21:07:00.004+08:00

I never thought that this day would come, I thought things like this will only happen in drama series. I never thought that I will feel this way, as I thought I wont be feeling anything like this.

I am really sorry, for all the things I've done for the past few immature years of mine. All the scoldings, all the disrespectful acts, all the quarrels, all the cold wars. You will still treat me with the same way as you used to after I've done wrong every time, and you'd still care for me with your never ending love despite the fact that I didn't care for you the same way you cared for me. I wish you know how sorry I really am, and I wish you know I really love you.

I lost one during valentine's day last year, and I don't wanna lose you again. Why does the big C wanna take you away from me?

The big C...

The big C always tags along the big D, and it is the big D that hurts the most.

Mao

2008-04-28T08:13:00.003+08:00

After staying up the whole night, so many hours staring at the comp, squeezing all my brain juice out and 2 rounds of DotA in between, and now I've finally done with my project. I have to admit that this shit project is indeed a pain in the arse, the more reason I hate insurance.

And now, I would like to announce that, I a-m o-f-f-c-i-a-l-l-y f-r-e-e f-r-o-m a t-h-i-n-g c-a-l-l-e-d S-T-R-E-S-S ! Oh boy, I'm driving myself up the wall, its time to catch a few episodes of my fav series before i rest myself =)

Mao

2008-04-27T18:49:00.002+08:00

I am so doomed. I need to hand up my project tomorrow but I haven't even start on it, coz I have no idea what and how to do! Why oh why is this happening? Why is it so hard to even write the introduction? Why is it so hard to structure my sentence? Why this and why that? Why why why? Dim Gai ? Dim Gai ?!!!

Argh, I wanna getaway!

Mao

2008-04-25T03:55:00.005+08:00

Just finished my exam today, and I think getting a P *hopefully* wont be a problem for me. I didnt do 3 questions at section A with 6 marks each, so there goes my 18 marks, but I think I did moderately in section B, at least not too bad =P And since the exam is over now, it also means that its time to:

Get myself a hair cut.
Work on my 3k words project which gonna due on Monday.
Time for youtube series.
Get back the feel of playing pool.
Get back the feel of playing DotA.
Get a job.

Yesh, I've lost my touch on pool, since few weeks ago. I became so noob til I cant even strike any balls in a straight line. Just came back from yc session with Justin and Mon just now. We went to play a few rounds of pool after we had our drinks at Stevens. Somehow we turned up to be a little more crazy tonight, laughed ourselves out with some crazy and noob things while pooling, but then it was fun, thanks guys for tonight =D

Oh yeah, I have a 31 seconds video clip of Mon while we were yc-ing just now. It'll be useful somehow someday, lol.

Mao

2008-04-24T05:25:00.003+08:00

It's just a few hours away, and yet I'm still here blogging, argh ! I just reached home from McD again after I drove to a few housing area near my place to look for other peoples' kelisa/kancil that has the same rim cover as mine so that I can steal them. But fortunately, I found none =( , else I gonna feel guilty for doing so.

Yeah, I know I shouldn't do things like this, but the stupid idea came to me after I studied for 6 hours straight under the condition of stress and desperation. I'd better go get some rest and revise for the final time before I going to my institute later around 1pm. Thanks to those who wished me luck, I think I'll need all of'em. Best of luck in your tests too =D

And last but not least, Happy Burfday to Rhys ! I don't think you'll ever come across this entry as I know you don't read blogs anymore, nonetheless all the best in.. .. .. .. all the things you do, lolz. I cant think of any nice things to say already, coz I'm feeling friggin stone now, the more reasons I hate exam, pfft !

Mao

2008-04-23T16:29:00.004+08:00

I'm suffering from a bad headache, it feels like something is blocking the blood from flowing inside, argh! I don't think I gonna have enough time for my revision, but I need some rest due to the headache, and this feels so sick. Its now less than a day til my finals, blessed it be.

McD has been a good friend of mine for the past few nights, thanks McD =P

New blog template

2008-04-22T21:54:00.003+08:00

Was thinking of the new blog address, then suddenly thought of surfing some blog templates, and that leads to the idea of downloading one and start changing into that new template. I left 1.5 days to study and I shouldn't be doing things like these now, but I have no idea why I did.

Took me like 1++ hour to finish the whole new template coz of those html codes, but it justs look so-so. I gonna find another prettier template after my exam. I better go shower and go McD after that for my revision.

Sigh, =/

Mao

2008-04-22T19:10:00.003+08:00

I've changed my blog address and made my blog open up to public again.

Yeah, I know the new blog address somehow sounds a little lame, =/ but thats the best that I can come up with within few minutes of thinking just now. I'll think of some better blog address after my exam kays =P, til then lets just stick to this one.

The good thing is, I don't think the troll will be coming anytime soon. The bad thing is, I don't know whether should I inform others, as in those friends that know us (the troll and me) in person, about the changes of the blog address, coz I know they'll edit the link at each of their respective blogs, and if the troll noticed my new blog address, it will go back to square one.

See how it goes lo later.

Mao

2008-04-21T23:19:00.004+08:00

Seriously I think I've screwed up biological clock. I woke up when majority of everyone gonna start to get some sleep, and I only started to get some rest when majority of everyone just woke up. And I only get to have, like 2 meals per day?

I only able to have my "breakfast" around 2pm and I'll get some rest during the evening coz I'd know that I'll have to stay up the whole night to do revision, and due to that, I'll prolly skipped my dinner when I woke up, so I'll only able to have my "dinch" when everyone started sleeping.

My lifestyle is like being "zombified". But I know I considered slightly better than those who's having coll classes everyday, maybe I should be grateful in a way. And I would like to wish everyone all the best in their tests and exams.

*I dont wanna fail any subject anymore, sigh..*

Mao

2008-04-21T15:56:00.006+08:00

Yesh, went to McD and had my revision there as stated at the previous entry. I thought I was a weirdo who decided to do my revision or study at McD during midnight, but when I reached there, I was kinda shocked, coz it was totally different, lol

I saw some of them even brought along their laptop here, I guess I'm somehow normal, hehe =D I've snapped a few pics there =)

The girl brought along her lappie, while her friend posing his fingers when he's figuring out a solution for the question he's doing.

She was enjoying her cup of hot coffee while her friend having her study break. Somehow I noticed that the McD statue's butt is kinda way too big, and I don't know why its there when I snapped the pic.

Those 4 peeps are already there when I reached McD, but this couple below came around 3.45am, weirdo couple =P

I feel that I'm like those stalker who keep snapping pictures here and there secretly, zzZ.. Nonetheless, it was fun last night, excluding the bunch of M's keep singing their M song loudly at the cashier/order area there. Should I go there and do my revision again tonight? Lolz

=)

Mao

2008-04-20T22:24:00.003+08:00

I think I've screwed up my biological clock inside me. I skipped my dinner due to I overnap again and there ain't much food left on the table. And while I was stoning over the question where should I have my supper later, I found a brilliant idea !

I should have my supper at McD later since its now operating 24/7 everyday. Then I can take my jacket and notes along and do my revision there too. And maybe around 4am, I can have a cup of hot coffee with free refills ! Oh this idea is so oh great =)

Dont mind me honestly, I started to become insane and came out with all these crazy ideas.

Argh!

Mao

2008-04-20T11:03:00.005+08:00

I noticed that I only able to really concentrate and study during the night time but not day time, I don't know why. But even so, I know I wont be able to concentrate if there's a mirror found anywhere near me, coz I'll be looking at it every 5 minutes.

Nescafe is indeed very effective, it kept me awake since last night til now. And now I'm wondering should I go "nap" now coz I did not "nap" (invented by Nbs) last night or should I continue study since I still able to stay awake?

Hmm..

Mao

2008-04-18T03:15:00.004+08:00

It cheered me up when Dave told me that he's coming to KL soon. I miss that fella so much =) He also told me that he's now into some plans and asked me whether do I have interest in joining or not, and after he told me about his plans, it sounds so good and I said yes. But its quite costly though, it seems that interests will always on top of money, at least it is that way to me. Well, hope it'll turn out fine.

And this guy is too shy to let people know who he is, but I'm pretty sure most of you all know who he is =)

And the picture below is how it looks like whenever the sky is raining while I'm on my way to my institute for class. You saw the jam? Marvelous ain't it ?

Thats all for now.

Mao

2008-04-17T00:56:00.002+08:00

7 days left to cover 8 topics that consist of 34 possible potential areas.

Will it be too little too late ? Blessed it be.

Mao

2008-04-17T00:19:00.004+08:00

Let's talk about randomness.

I'd say having at least a random dream every single night since 2 weeks ago until now would be the beginning of this random frenzy. Randomness strikes randomly as you'll never know when you'll get hit by it. Randomness would be the son of a single father named Stone, in other words, randomness is the effect of being stoned.

Randomness has its benefits too. Sometimes, it ables you to see the bigger picture of that particular situation. Sometimes, it helps you realize what you really want. Sometimes, it helps you to realize what is important and what is not. Sometimes, it even helps you to understand things better.

Now, let's talk about timing.

Timing would be a daughter of a single mother named fate, as timing always come after fate, and not before. Without fate, there would be no timing, but this doesn't work in the family of randomness and stone, as you'll still get hit by randomness even if you're not stoned. Timing exists to only help you realize that you're fated to do something, to being that someone yourself, or to be with someone. Stone exists to only give chance for randomness to strikes.

I believe after all the 22 years of my life, I got to know a little more deeper and understood a little more clearer about their each respective roles in our lives. They need each other as much as we need friends and family in our lives now.

What a random entry.

Mao

2008-04-15T00:02:00.002+08:00

9 days til finals, excluding test2 and the project, with 8 topics to cover. I have no idea how to start my project, not to even mention that I have to end it with at least 3k words. And I failed my CGI, damn.. But then again, it is somehow semi-expected. I wont fail this Marketing anymore, not that I failed it before, pfft !

After this Marketing, somehow I managed to found out that I gonna have a month's time of holidays until I start my next subject. What am I going to do in this one month period?

Stone and rot at home !

Mao

2008-04-10T18:14:00.002+08:00

Works are piling up, and I think I'll need to at least clear some of them during the weekend, and test2 is coming up on Wednesday too. =/

I found a spell to become smart:

"Spirits send the words, from all across the land
Allow me to absorb them, through the touch of either hand
For 24 hours from 7 to 7,
I will understand all meaning of the words from here to heaven."

Mao

2008-04-09T10:35:00.001+08:00

Everyone leaves, they always do.

Mao

2008-04-05T17:38:00.004+08:00

Speaking of dreams during the previous entry, as expected I dreamt about something again last night, or rather this morning. Its a bit complicated, or rather special, and because of this, I find its quite interesting after all. The dream involves all the things that I been thinking too much during the day time, and somehow unconsciously, it seems that I able to think about it more deeply during my dreams.

Have anyone of you ever experience anything like this before? Have I ever told some of you guys that you have the power to actually create your own dream? And also the power to continue dreaming the same thing when you fall back asleep after you woke up? I know I definitely told some of you guys about it before. Yesh, I've done it again last night, unconsciously created the dream according to the way I want it to be, and somehow able to continue dreaming about it when I fall back asleep after I woke up. Strange isn't it? Well, you may say that I'm a weirdo, or even a sick person, but it did happened to me for more than once.

And because of this, the dream was somehow sweet and saddening. I wanted to dream more about it, but the sound of the cellphone's alarm stopped me. =/

For those who been reading my blog, I just wanted to say that Im sorry if I offended anyone of you in any way, and also for all the wrongdoings I've done. I been emo-ing lately and I know I kinda accidentally blown it out on you, Im sorry.

Mao

2008-04-05T03:20:00.004+08:00

I know I have to blog something, but I don't know what should I type.

I've watched a very very very touching romance movie today, as in few hours back. "A walk to remember" made me cry, a lot. The story is seriously so touching that I couldn't even stop myself from crying. I can say that its one of the best movie I've watched. Believe me, it is definitely worth watching. And through that movie, I learnt a few stuffs, understood some stuffs, and reminded me some stuffs. Somehow, my emotions became complicated after that, Lolz. Oh, and not to forget, the OSTs of the movie are so great that I wont be bored listening to them the whole day. I'll watch it again when I need to do some crying, sue me for being a crying baby =D

Again, I been procrastinating my assignments ! Yesh, assignments, its more than one now, not to even mention my final project paper which needs more than 3k words, gg me. I hope I have an assistant who willing to help me, but sadly I know the day aint gonna come, silly me.

I been dreaming rapidly lately, and I don't know why and what's the reason behind all these dreams, coz they're all so random. I thought I can finally have some good sleeps these days after the previous insomnia, but I guess it keeps haunting me. Just imagine, a night of sleep with at least 4 different dreams in between, oh gawd !

Now its almost 4 in the morning, and I'll have to wake up at 830 tomorrow for ? Everybody knows, for driving =) Alright, I started to lose my sense on what I'm talking, I think its time for me to pay the dreamland a visit, again. =/

Mao

2008-04-03T00:35:00.003+08:00

I think everyone should know that I've set my blog back to private already as you entering my blog just now. Seems like that troll is back, and so I have to set it back to private.

Sorry for all the trouble I've caused.

And I know I shouldn't be blogging when I'm emo, so I'll post a new entry after I feel better.

Mao

2008-04-01T01:28:00.003+08:00

Served me right for playing hellgate in the morning and been sleeping for few hours during the noon. Ended up I only able to rush through my notes 5 minutes before the test starts. But nonetheless, its still a "open-book" test with the acknowledgment of all the "potential" questions that gonna come out beforehand, and we're only allowed to open our books and refer for the first half an hour.

By the time I have to close my book, I finished 8 questions out of 10 by referring to the book already. There goes the test. And now, I have to do my assignment which I don't feel like doing. My car is covered with more than 8 bird shits all over, I have no idea where did my dad parked my car when he was using it, grr.

I miss skating on the ice and also poking balls on the pool table. Hehe =)

Mao

2008-03-30T21:53:00.004+08:00

I can hardly get some sleep these few nights, I don't know why. It's like I went to bed around 1.30am and I only able to get some sleep around 5am. But even so, I woke up around 5 hours later.
And I still have a test to study and an assignment to finish up, which it suppose to be handed up on tomorrow, the good thing is I can stall it to Wednesday, but that's not exactly the point.

My house became less spaceful after the minor renovation. Strange isn't it? Normally people renovate house to have more space, but mine is the total opposite. Okay la, seriously thats not the real reason behind the renovation. Hope things will get better with a nurse around 24/7 now.

I have to stop thinking too much in order to get some sleep. And seriously the other part of the reason that I couldn't able to get some sleep is cause of you, I ain't joking when I told you that. =)

Mao

2008-03-30T18:23:00.003+08:00

I saw a huge butterfly on the sky, don't you think so too?

How I wish that the butterfly would turn out to be real, then things will tend to be much easier.

I've been day dreaming too much.

Hoping for a better tomorrow

2008-03-29T22:13:00.006+08:00

Its been a while since I really update this blog of mine. Yeah, I know I been neglecting my blog, which I know I shouldn't be doing so. But as I said before, there's been too many things that are happening lately, and to be honest, I couldn't really able to comprehend them all.

There were times where I felt so helpless, and so alone, as in really alone. There were times where I felt like crying but I couldn't, because I'm too tired and too weak from the inside to cry it out. There were times where I felt that I should find someone to talk with, and let it all out, but sadly, everyone seems to going through their hard times these days, and I couldn't possibly share mine with them. And so, I can only choose to keeping almost everything to myself. I cant do anything but to only admit that I couldn't possibly feel this weak and helpless as I never feel anything like this before for the past 22 years of my life.

But somehow on the other hand, I should be grateful that all these things happened. I don't mean to being mean, but because of all these, I'm really starting to believe that everything happens for a reason. From accidents to admitted into hospital, and even to the extent of death from friends and their relatives, all these happened within a week and all these incidents taught me a very valuable thing, life is short and it is nothing but only respect and appreciation.

I tasted the fear of losing someone, I tasted the feeling of guilty for the lack of appreciation and respect for someone, I tasted the feeling of losing a friend. Seriously, the past week has been a really tough week for me. Basically I cant do anything but to only keep on waiting and worry. And I also came to realized that anything you do means something to someone, be it small or big, meaningless or meaningful. You don't do things just for the sake of doing, you do things just because you think you should and its a right thing to do. You should appreciate what others have done for you, because you have no idea how much they sacrificed their time just to make things up for you.

Thanks a bunch to those that being there by my side, and also to those that kept on asking me about I've been doing during the past week, thanks for all the concerns, you guys know who you are and you guys made me feel that I'm not so alone after all.

Last but not least, start loving your loved ones, because you'll never know what's gonna happen and when they'll gone. Appreciate what they've done for you and respect them the way you should. Don't take anything for granted, as there is nothing meant to be take for granted in this world.

- One act of random kindness can change the world. -

Mao

2008-03-24T17:30:00.001+08:00

Sorry for not updating lately, lots happened and been busy. I'll update everyone soon, if there's still people reading my blog.

-Mao-

Happy Birthday Lai =)

2008-03-21T15:42:00.002+08:00

Ehh, nearly forgot, Happy belated birthday Lai ! I know that most likely you wont be reading this, but still, hope you like the small little present. =)

And thanks for the brunch ! =D

Mao

2008-03-21T15:30:00.008+08:00

As usual, went to AC to brunch with them today, and I discovered something ! Something that I least expected, something that I thought it's not what I thought I saw at first, something that I thought it is not real. But in fact, it is tangible and it is real !

Okay, so now let me reveal to you guys on what I saw.

Taa Daa ! I saw this !

Lolz !! Yeap, there's no doubt about it, and you did not see wrongly ! It is what you think it is ! Okay, let me tell you guys what it is. It is an Ultraman Tissue Pack. Yes, Ultraman, I did not spell wrongly and you did not read wrongly.

Guess in whose back I found this? It is in Sandbag Tan's bag ! It was so friggin funny when I show it to Justin, lolol, and I snapped a photo of it as an evidence of the existence of such thing that Sandbag has in his bag !

This is so unbelievable, Lolz !

Mao

2008-03-21T15:10:00.003+08:00

Didn't know I can rush through my whole assignment in 1 hour time. But it is pretty bad honestly, because it is just 2 long questions, and I need like 1 hour to do it *with some direct cnp from lecturer's soft copy notes somemore, haha*. I shouldn't slack anymore, at least I know I couldn't afford to, lol.

What's next? Test 1 and project paper, T_T